::Boxing::

It's the day after Christmas. Boxing Day!!

I've always wonder what it exactly means.

haha, if you're a curiosity cat like me then can go educate yourselves bah~
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxing_Day

Seems like a lot has happened since my last post.

Last Sun [20/12]


i went to volunteer at Hope Tots with Hui Min and Steve. It's such a wonderful experience!! Hope i can have the chance to be a full volunteer there. =) After that i went to Suntec to listen to the caroling. Christmas songs never fail to bring a smile to my face, even if my mood was down..it's like ice-cream!!



Tues [22/12]



it's was yanyu's bday =) a few of us went to visit MV Doulos at Vivo there. It's my 1st time on board the ship in Sg, 3rd time in my life i think.
Love how the crew greeted everyone with a big smile and tried to be as helpful as possible. After i parted with everyone i silently stroll back to the deck there and just sat in front of the ship, in front of a beautiful sunset [with all the construction works going on].. I needed some time to be alone, to sit around people whom i do not know...


Went to meet Annie after that at Dhoby Ghaut, so glad for the time spent just chatting, catching up, having silly girl talk..and ice-cream!!! ice-cream is my comfort food. We went to orchard central after dinner, the view at lvl 11 and lvl 12 are so nice! i just hope there is no one around, love to feel the wind in my hair, the breeze that sweeps across my face. It's indeed my personal "silent night" in the midst of all the HooHah going on at the street just 11 levels below.

Wed [23/12] Went to SMU to meet up with my gang for the performance, happy for this chance to contribute my ideas for this celebration, had a good laugh also cuz i sat beside Ben Tay.haha. Went to meet Liting with YingJie at Bugis, we went to the MOF there and shared a ice-cream sundae, haha, cuz the rest of the stuff are too expensive for us, oh, we also got a pot of free green tea also, haha, so the table didn't look that empty.

One thing we talked about leave a deep impression in my heart, Liting said churches nowadays seems like too kua zhang, music and what not, shouldn't church be strict or stuff like that? [Ya, indeed, it seems like a lot of people are getting confused by the different christian denominations going on..a search on the net says that there might be as many as 23,000 Protestant denominations worldwide!!!!] I just told her that it's like having a house and keep changing the tv or the deco of your house, at the end of the day, it's not the style of the house that makes your house your home, but rather, the people you love that's living in it. Doesn't really matter how many times you move house of whatever, but the most important thing is your family.

Thurs [24/12] it's my first time serving as usher in a combine event. My experience?---Painful-Sweet...Painful cause the evil pairs of heels that nearly make me bleed, sweet cause it's a wonderful christmas experience =) i met an uncle that insist of chopping seats for his caregroup member, he's about the age of my dad, he's as dark and talkative as my dad too! haha...the only different is---he has a zeal for God... I didn't do anything for anyone this christmas, no cards no presents..only some sms that i mean it form the bottom of my heart, thanks for all that has taken your precious time to remember me on this christmas season, thank you for making me so surprised and loved:

• Liting
  
• Timothy Yeo Zi Min
• Zachary Alexander Lee Shao Ren
• Tracy Goh Hui Hui
• Justinna Lim
• Qinny Pei
• Ong Eng Seng
  

i think i cried a lot this christmas, over the simple truth that God really loves me a lot...He is so perfect that it makes me feel so assured and secured...yet how can i still fail him time and again? how can i still didn't trust Him enough?

Fri [25/12]


i went out with kok siong and kok weng for our small christmas dinner, went to eat botak jones and then ice-cream at Udders. Simple dinner but appreciated it cause at least i don't have to be alone on christmas, think it'll be horrible if i spent my first christmas in Singapore locked in room eating maggi alone T,T

Sat[26/12]

Went to visit Mv Doulos again with Kok Siong n Gerard. Today is the last day of Doulos! I'll miss it! there's an open house there, me n ks took a few funny photos. We bought two books there. I wanted to eat the one-dollar road-side ice-cream so much!! haha cause didn't eat it on tuesday cause that day everyone is like keep walking so fast..i decided agaist it lastly and drank sugar cane instead, cause i'm having a minor sore throat today.
__________________________________________________

It has been an eventful week no doubt, but somehow it feels as if a huge chunk of dunno what has been taken away.....................

::Me::

somehow i have a lot of friends, but more than one of my closest friend have approached me and say they don't really see the real me..like i'm always trying to please everyone, always ok, always strong, always smiling...

i look at my blog..and i realized they are so right.

you wanna know who i am?

i am forgetful, it's unbelievable the stuff i tend to forget, even the most precious memories sometime can be forgotten and need several reminders for me to recall them again.

i love the nature, i can sigh in adoration in front of the falling leaves, i can cry in amazement at the sunset, i can scream in excitement the moment i see a cute animal, i feel trapped in singapore because i cannot go to the beach as and when i want, i can stare at the night sky with stars for hours.

i am lazy, i actually don't mind not showering for one night, i cook maggi and don't feel like washing the bowl, i just wanna sleep the day away sometimes.

i am insecure, i have a tendency to silently compare myself to other people and grade myself in comparison to them, i try to attract attention cause i think if i don't no one would ever notice me, i always pick up a call with the expectancy that someone would scold me and say i am not good enough, i'm scared of people leaving me cause one day they might realize that i am actually not good enough.

i am rebellious, if there's a sign that says "Danger:DO NOT COME NEAR", i would most probably go near.

i love the color purple, but i will go "awhh" in front of spectrum of colors.

i am good at massaging, i love to give people massages cause i think i'm lousy at giving wise counsel or comfort.

i cry uncontrollably when i thought of or heard of people that pass away. even if it's someone i don't know. i remembered hiding inside my room to tear silently when i first saw the news of 911 on tv that night.

i sometimes use words and actions sub-consciously or consciously expecting people to respond the way i want, in other words, manipulation.

do you want to know more?

then come nearer to see the real me.

i am always me. just different side of me sometimes.

::Baby::

I am a mum!!
wahaha!!

and tis time my baby is living, crawling around, breathing..and real! [yes this one is REAL!]

haha...i don't have a photo of my baby yet, due to the tragic death of my handphone [drowning accident]...

i spent quite some time thinking what shall i name my baby~~something adorable, catchy, easy to remember...

i even go to translator website and try to come out with an exotic foreign language name..then i realize it's quite hard to pronounce hebrew, greek, or russian..don't even try to write it..

it's still not confirm yet..but at this stage i'm leaning towards Chestnut. cute eh?

My baby still very shy to this new world, scared of touch or even my small breath..the eyes and nose are totally adorable!!

well..here is a photo from the net~it's as close as i can get...use your imagination and wait for the upload of my baby's photo ya~~

::Awesome::

It's official-- God is awesome. Seriously.

Today i had Earthlink sub-comm meeting early morning..after which when everyone has gone, it's just left me and my main comm and another sub comm, both guys are malaysian from EEE. And as the conversation unfolds, i shared with them my conversion story! it is totally unexpected and never in my plan. After which my main comm shared that he has actually attended NTU's buddhism society for two years and he feels that the teachings are good, but he just don't believer in reincarnation and souls and the world having a creator; while the other guy is just living life without thinking deep, just wanna live by. Regardless of their reaction and perception, just really glad that i'm given this privilege by God to be the one to scatter seeds in their hearts. I strongly believe that no labor in the LORD is EVER in vain.

After service i was really nervous, i prayed while on the bus to Meridian, prayed while walking there..the first thing i do when i reached is to walk around to find the grandma that i want to give the card to. but to my initial horror, the grandma is not there tonight!! As i was walking around i started to think: God, are You joking with me? How come u asked me to come and give the card but she's not here? And i just keep walking round and round, i saw zach and told him bout it, i told him i feel like God is joking with me. He look at me seriously all of a sudden and tells me God never joke, and i already won by having the faith and the heart to do it.

i told qr, es and jy about it, then was just thinking maybe God wants me to reach out to different people instead. Cuz i was walking round and round the foodcourt so was just telling them perhaps i should walk seven rounds =p

But we decided to do something spontaneous after dinner, we decided to walk around the foodcourt and invite the aunties and uncles working there instead. As we approach them with faith, i truly know that God's amazing hands are behind all these. Though none of them confirm they wanna come or even show slight interest, i know they are truly blessed by the cookies we gave them, i was quite surprised actually that most of them asked how much they need to pay for the cookies or if they need to do anything in return for the cookies.

After we marched finish, we went outside of Meridien to shout praise to God.haha.literally. And as we shared how we feel about this small experience, was really encouraged that all of us manage to have a breakthrough through this small thing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The conclusion of the matter is- GOD IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!

I really can't comprehend how exciting and awesome He is!!!!!!!

He took my original plan and use it to His greater purpose, He gave me a small vision and desire and turn it into a totally unexpected spirit-filled night for the four of us.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It seems like a lot of ppl in our midst need prayers, for healing; for strength; for faith...qr, yj, jt, jy, gerard, sam sim, es, qinning, zach, yy....

Sometimes it just seems like there's too many things to be prayed and i have so little time.

Above all, LORD let us remain in You as You remain in us.

Amen ♥

::December::

This December is gonna be amazing. I just know it in my heart and bones. And why can't it be right? It's Christmas and it already have a great start so far.

Today while in the bus to church, i was quite amused by the new tagline Singapore Tourism Board has launched for Orchard this Christmas, it's quite funny that they would have tagline for a street, i mean, normally it's one tagline for whole country, but i guess in Singapore, orchard is considered as a city or even state.

Anyway. the tagline is "One Christmas, One Hope".
We really do have only one hope in a world coined "Decade of Hell" by TIME magazine, but i wonder what kind of Hope the tourism board have in mind when they adopted this line.

I remembered Xing Ni shared something about hope in one of the SubD meet we had this sem, can't remember the exact words but it's about this world in itself is without hope, and we can have only one source of hope, that is , in Him.

Today was really blessed, Eng Seng bought me durian pancake! i feel so "shou chong ruo jing"! I finally have my craving satisfied! And was really touched cuz i know that despite not liking the durian he still go buy for me and stand the smell of it.

After dinner ES, YY, JT, Gerard and me went to PS, we were walking walking and then somehow as the discussion rolls, we come up with the idea of making cookies to bless the freshies in the OG during this christmas season. I am very excited by this, another opportunity to do everything i love! decorating, baking, talking, sharing, blessing =) I can't wait to see what miracles this christmas will bring to us

While we were walking at PS, we stop a while outside Times and Eng Seng pointed at one of the christian books on display and said that he once watched a video of this pastor and how he was disappointed cuz when asked whether people will really go to hell if they don't follow Jesus, he gave a vague answer, then YanYu said that a lot of people are not willing to hear about the gospel precisely because of the Hell idea.

What would be my respond if someone asked me whether they will go to hell if they are not christian?

I wished just as many atheist does, that dying without receiving Him is not that bad and maybe won't go to hell. I wished it could really be like that cuz my own grandparents died without receiving Him, and my parents and siblings have yet to come to know him, how i wish how i wish how i wish...but above all, i know God's sovereignty. So even though it's hard to accept, i know it's the truth.

There's a lot of things in my heart that i want to pray for in this coming week.

Give thanks first for all the awesomeness He's gonna bring in this month

::Exam2::

Exam Day 6

Today is another rainy Saturday, i'm at SBS classroom aka exam HQ now~

This week has been an awesome week=)

God healed me on tuesday, i was having the worst headache ever with slight fever, and the next morning is gonna be the exam for my killer module of communication history and theories. I got back to room very early, around 8.30pm, was just keep praying that i'll have a little bit more energy to look through my notes again, then i'll guai guai go to sleep and rest else i'll have fever next morning.

Amazingly, as i started to read the notes, slowly the headache subside, and i just go on and on with the notes, until it's 11pm and i don't even realize it! waoh!

very very thankful, God has straighten my faith much through small miracles like these ^^

::Exam1::

Exam Day2

Yesterday i had my first paper. And it was amazing!! i know that it was such a miracle, let me shout at the top of my voice that God is good! ^^

Yesterday i had marketing paper, i didn't know it doesn't have MCQ this time round, and a lot of things i thought will come out ended up didn't come out.. And during the last 20 minutes, i was getting nervous already because i still left two questions that are 20% and 10% respectively incomplete, was just flipping through the book hysterically since it's open book exam, was really thankful when i saw the answer suddenly, with my limited time i just write down all the keywords onto the paper.

the time now left less than 10 minutes, and i was contemplating on giving up the 10% question already, i flipped to the questions one last time in desperate attempt to squeeze something out of my brain..suddenly a solution come to my mind!!!!! i frantically wrote down everything i can think of and when i put down my pen finally, immediately the invigilator announced that time's up. Waoh!!!!!!!!!!! i finished the paper in time!!!

Though i don't know what grade i will score for this paper..but the strengthening of my faith is worth more than an alphabet on a piece of paper =)

Yesterday before exam while doing my qt, this verse reminds me of the sovereignty of God a lot:

The horse is made ready for the day of battle,
but victory rests with the LORD.
-Proverbs 21:31

Amen! =)

::Pre4::

Yes, it's still not exam yet, but i've decided to stop counting all the counts...

Cooked for my CG just now, with a very cozy unit meet in my room. Felt so happy and belonged to be sitting there..and also cooking with qinning, brenda, chong jyn and guofeng. We weren't brilliant.. but just the love the feeling of people trying their best to do something they are not good at in order to bless someone. It reminds of my favourite scene in the movie Forrest Gump and the Grinch.

was just thinking, what is selfless love? Last night and today was just thinking...if i can't even show my love to people whom i love the most..then how can i claim that i love people? and a lot of time it's harder than i thought to show my love and care especially for those whom i want to. i just dunno why.

::Pre3::

this is a Pre-Exam post 3.

Day count: -5
Candy count: 9
Cookie count: >10
Movie count: 3
Page count: [gave up already]
Sleep count: still a lot more than I need..man..i need a lot of motivation to wake up.
Animal Count: [This is where i count how many animals i look like] 4...Hamster, Snake, Rabbit, Pooh

Yesterday was quite a slacking day.

I ended up watching two more movie, that's 3 movies in 2 days.LOL.
All nice movies though, i watched Forrest Gump, Love Actually, The Proposal. Forrest Gump top the list by far, it's such an amazing movie, i strongly recommend it to you if you haven't watch it.

And on top of that, i killed cockroach for the first time in my life. TWO cockroaches eh!!

In the end i used up the whole can of Shieldtox Rui Xia and Tracy borrowed from our neighbor. No wonder they say cockroach can survive atomic bomb explosion, after seeing how the cockroaches' limbs are still twitching hours after i sprayed them with the whole can of Shieldtox, i totally have no doubt bout this saying.

Yah! hours after the showdown they are still twitching their disgusting little limbs!
I stood infront of it dunno what to do for a long time, then i tell God: "erm, dunno whether can pray this or not, but ah....God, can you let them die faster? they still moving ehhhhhhh...."

Ended up i msg Chong Jyn at 11pm, asked him to come help me get rid of the evil remains. LOL.he tried to scare me using the remains lor!!

haha..oh yah..i did studied a bit in between

::Wedding::

This is my second post for the day. Studying at SBS has been fruitful, but not less distracting though, thanks to the wonderful internet.

Why do i wanna blog about wedding?

Cause i just know from Facebook one of my ex-classmate is getting married. At first I thought it's just a joke, but then i realized it's not, never in a million years will i imagine she is the first one to get married from our class. Ok i am being over-exaggerating, but it's just...so unbelievable.

One year ago we all thought it would be another guy that she'll be with, can't believe one year down the road, she's getting engaged with another guy. Guess that's life. I wouldn't have guessed also I would be where i am now one year ago.

Think that all girls just want a perfect wedding, sunset down the road, perfect gown, nice flowers. It's a girl's dream to have a perfect wedding. Myself included. My friends are so excited in the email chain, suggesting the perfect place to get a gown, how to prepare for a perfect wedding day, who's gonna get married next, etc. Girls just go crazy when someone we know is getting married.Haha.

What will ultimately be the perfect wedding every girl want?-- To see a special someone down the aisle. Think for every girl, the dream for a perfect wedding extend after the wedding day, we all dream of a perfect future of eternal bliss.

Think the perfect wedding will only be perfect if at the end of our life, we can look back and smile in the memories of that faded-day where we walk down that aisle. Smile at all the laughter and tears life have brought us.

Not sure i'll be invited to the wedding though, we're not that close, plus i am over here in singapore anyway. If i can, i would like to be there also, cause it's like Christmas, doesn't really matter how close that person is to you, you just wish to see everyone with a smile on their face. Well, at least for me i do think so.

Wishing you a fulfilling life, Aiko =)

::Pre2::

this is a Pre-Exam post 2.

Day count: -7
Candy count: 9
Page count: [gave up already]
Sleep count: more than I actually need, i think i'm just pure lazy
Animal Count: [This is where i count how many animals i look like] 3...Hamster, Snake, Pooh

Today is the earliest I woke up in ages. I woke up at 8.19am!!! Waoh!! I bet you are surprised and proud of me also right? Haha.

I didn't manage to study last night =(
But it's still an awesome day.

I found a perfect place to do my morning quiet time just now.
Blue Sky.Butterfly.Flowers.Water.Sunshine.Wind.Tree.Grass.
just the way i like it =)



With some imagination, this is how it would look like.haha

::Pre::

this is a Pre-Exam post.

Day count: -11
Candy count: 3
Page count: !()*&#(^&%&^&*()!*)_)(@(&#*&$^&*^&@(
[lost count]

How is this semester's exam gonna be like?

You? How's your pre-exam?

::Rain::

It has rain for a few days already, heavy rain like drops of tears from heaven itself, maybe the angels are weeping for the world.

I love the sound of raindrop. It tinkles like the bell of Tinkerbell. =p
I love the wind. It makes it so comfortable to tuck myself o bed under the warm blanket.

I used to love the rain a lot, cause that time me and my ex have this silly ritual of saying we're cold and need a hug when it rains.

After that I hated the rain, cause we broke up during rainy day. And it just so emo and gloomy to me.

As time pass, I love the rain again, cause the world looks so beautiful after the rain. Love how the rain drop glitter on the leaf and flowers around me, love the rainbow after the rain that feels like having hope after a depressing situation.

The tree in front of School of Communication and Information blooms with pretty pink flowers lately. Oh, i just love walking underneath it and seeing the flowers drop down slowly to form a sea of pink on top of the patch of green grass.

It just make it feels like life is worth living for such beauty in God's creation.

::Blood2::

My lips cracked and bleed again this morning.

O God, when will the wound close?
O God, when will the hurting stops?

::Blood::

i was wiping my tears away when i see blood on the tissue, when i looked into the mirror i realize my lip has cracked so badly that it started to bleed, for a few minutes it seems like the blood just keep rushing out and won't stop. it's so painful to be pressing the tissue against my exposed lip.

yes it hurts.

i'm suddenly reminded by Leona Lewis's Bleeding Love:

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

it's a nice song, but it sounds wrong. And one thing for sure, it's way too emo, listening to it will only drown one in the endless ocean of self-justification and self-pity.

i'm reminded by another song, Rascal Flatts' What Hurts The Most:

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do


Yes another nice song. Seriously, what hurts the most? it seems like it will expand by each hurt and pain we go through, and through it we will grow stronger. Each time it will seem as if this is as far as we can go and bear, but somehow after that this limit will be put to test as another thing replace it to be the thing that "hurts the most".

In case you are thinking i am in the "emo" mode now, rest assured, i am stronger than this, i have learn that hiding away from the world, from God, from people, and from myself won't help at all, nope, not even one tiny little bit. I want to stand upon truth and grace that comes from His Words, not from some random lyrics.

When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring You more than just a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

Its all about you
Jesus

I am not emo-ing, but it won't change the fact that bleeding hurts, and the closer it is to your heart, the more it hurts.

i feel like blogging this, but i hope i don't make sense to you.
And if i make sense to you, pray for me =)

::Treasure::

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

Matthew6:20

We often quote this as a joke or a passing comment.

But I really wonder what our treasures will be.

I' m sure I'm not alone in this, you may have imagine before also how glorious heaven's gonna look like with all the good food and good furniture and good ambiance and all that.

But what is/will be my greatest treasure?

That I will be able to stand in adoration in front of Him. For what treasure in heaven or earth can be compared to being in the presence of my King forever?

::Rest II::

yah that was my evil twin typing for my last post..
it's like Jessica in the show Heroes. just that this evil twin doesn't have super power...oh well, guess some evil twin can't even contribute..

haha..that's a joke..i hope you realize i am just being random.

Anyway..Hello to the normal Cassie again..
well...the normal isn't the exact opposite of the evil one, meaning she's not an angel..so..
This sounds like a "fail" joke...the evil one not so evil, the good one not so good also...man, at least excel in one lah...hahaha...

OH yah..oops i digress again..haha..reminded me of my professor who keep saying he'll digress at least twice every lecture...

OH man..here i go digressing again..by now you must really have hated me or loved me..
either for wasting your time or fro bringing you a laughter...

[hmm..did i just digress again??? evil twin help me out here..]

So, this is what i wanna blog about actually..

For the past two days after staring hard at myself, i realize i have two extreme but mutually inclusive sides in me..

the not so devilish evil side, and the not so angelic good side.

And when the skeptic evil inside of me starts to take control..i realize i turn into a cold-blooded stone..

And when the faith-filled good side of me starts to take control..i realize this is one i want to be and this is who i am..not the lie the evil twin has turned me into...

I am at peace now..things seems clearer..but as i said, they are mutually inclusive..i know i am not an angel no matter how hard i tried..the ugly part of me is still me and i wanna embrace myself and not condemning it..i'll embrace and be graced, and hopefully come out a tiny tiny little bit more "angelic"

::Rest::

Yes, i am the slackest student in the whole of Singapore island. It's not as if i purposely make myself into one.

so..i thought this mean some time of rest for me..when i can just slack for one week or so..

But, it seems like the world is determine to frustrate me.

This is one of those moments i wish i can be a "one-man island"

Emotions...looks like i have too much of them..like small little "inner mess" demons in my head.
perhaps that's what they really are..

my brain processor is too small to think of all these.

i wanna stare hard at myself and my emotions, to see who i really am..

i thought rest is suppose to be fun and good and jolly merry...

PS: yah..this is my evil twin typing..

::Found::

................[this is a sequence to the post ::Lost::]

(At the Lost counter)

Unknown: Excuse me miss, how can i help you?

Eva: Thank you!! I have found my precious journal!!!!!

Yes i found it!!! ok lah actually i found it already two weeks ago and din bother to post it in my blog, but then i realize ppl start asking me whether i have found my journal or not..haha actually i feel quite love by this small gesture...so, if u haven't ask me personally it's ok, now i tell u...haha

i found it the day i move hall..and it's just laying there silently waiting for me to give it a massive hug once again...OWH~~~

hahaha...thank you thank you journal for didn't run away

=)

::Six::

Six...that's how high i'm living at now..haha...how high i have to climb each day..

Think will really slim down ah if i go up and down like this everyday for the rest of the coming year.LOL.

Today i feel happy. Realize actually a productive day will make me the happiest.

Productive in different aspects. Chatting to my friend living far away from me for a few hours on the phone is productive. Being close to people i love and just chat or even silence is productive. Finishing my project nicely is productive. Gaining new knowledge and insights is productive. Cleaning up my room is productive. Cooking is productive. Praying is productive.

Sitting here typing away happily while listening to the serene chirping of birds right outside my window also make me happy.

Haha..turn out climbing six level of stairs is God's way of blessing me greatly.

Cause it's only here that i have the perfect night view.

Cause it's only here that i can be so close to nature.

Cause it's only here that i can't even hear a hint of car or civilization.

Cause it's only here that i learnt to complain less.

Cause it's only here that i see how much people love me.

Cause it's only here that He has placed me so that i don't have to sleep at benches.

So that's the six blessings from climbing six level of stairs

=)

happy toast - wallpaper by ~LadyMascara

Today is a good day.

::Grace::

http://maxlucado.com/media/hechosethenails.wmv

This is my birthday wish..

Do u have 10 minutes to spare for me today?

Open the link and i hope that this 10 minutes will bless your day as it has so greatly blessed mine.

::Lost::

(At the Lost counter)

Unknown: Excuse me miss, how can i help you?

Eva: I lost my journal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes!! I lost my journal!! T_T

how can this happen? ok lah...actually i lost my stuff quite frequently one..but..how can i lost such an important thing??!!!

this journal have a very special place in my heart..it's very precious to me..

although it is just grey in color and nothing special at first glance..

but this journal has endured the best of the past 4 months with me =(

i started to wrote lengthy daily entry in this special journal since holiday started last April.

This journal has endured my tears n sweat n saliva throughout these short period of time we spent together...

together with me faithfully and be a testimony of my life.

it's like...

losing a big pile of love letters your most precious one wrote to you everyday!!

*sob sob*

and to add to that, i have really really really lousy memory retantion...and i dun wanna forget all these precious things that has happened to me......

haizzz....

so...Unknown, can u help me find my precious journal?

::Rent II::

just an update from my last post..in case there are people who loves me out there...lol...

i've found a new place to bunk in..thank God! gonna move within these few weeks i suppose..

the room is at level 6 (staircase access only), and got croakroach...but i really couldn't care less...this will help me to exercise a lot..bring on the craokroach also!! thay'll have a hard time surviving under my regime...haha..most of all is...i don't have to sleep on street...haha...

thanks to tracy n ruixia...

don't worry...i'll sweep the floor and be a good girl

::Rent::

I need a place to stay..just give me a bed..tat's all...oh yah...and toilet too...
anyone??

i can sweep the floor..lol

preferably under $200, near NTU

::School::

It's a boring title-School...(sarcasm comes in--oh gosh..how exciting can that be? why blog about school?)

I'm writing this in the middle of the night, listening to some great songs on youtube..cuz the thumbdrive i got for free during Freshman Welcome Day took EXTREMLY long to format..don't ask me why..

oh well..that's why i decided to blog about boring topics such as school..

LOL

Actually, come to think of it, school is not that horrible or boring..well, at least for me (sarcasm comes in again--oh! easy for you to say..you're communcation student, how hard can that be compared to what others study?) yeah, i thank God that i have get rid of my calculator for one year already, and i plan to keep it that way.

but still, i have my fair share of sleepless nights, readings, tutorials, project meetings..blah blah blah...But think all these are only like the banana in the banana split (i personally don't like banana)..the banana split will turn out awesome even with the horrible banana in it..

hmm..it seems like i am babbling..

oh...the thumbdrive finally finish formatting...

the point of this post is--i love school!!
because i have found the reason to give it my all and my best..and know that all that i'm studying today is not merely for my GPA..

(sarcasm went away..cuz eva too weird..lol)

::One::

One thing I desire, One thing I seek.

To gaze upon Your beauty, Your majesty.

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple

Psalm 27:4

I went to Hope's Global Conference for the past 2 nights (19th & 20th). Dunno how was it gonan be like since this is my first time attending it. And just so happen yesterday (20th) was also my 1 year spiritual birthday.

Was really blessed. Thanks for all the love filled greetings. Thanks for remembering.
Thank you if you have been there with me throughout this short yet long journey of 1 year.
Thank God.. For His Grace..His patient...His love..

This birthday mark a special significant in my heart as i received from God a bigger picture of this jingsaw puzzle of life, of every experience He had put me through.

Realized that we have to be reborn a lot of times in this lifetime in order to let His works be done in us. He spoke very clearly to me that although i had been a transformed a better life for the past one year, yet it's not enough. He asked me to be new.

Put off your old self ( Ephesians 4:22),

Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ (Romans 13:14)

love,

eva

God's daughter dancing in salvation

::Wish::

I was thinking through in my small little mind whether i should write this post or not..I was kinda scared that people might misunderstood me..but i decided after that if the person who is reading this sincerely love me and know me, then he or she would understand..and even if i really make no sense at all, i hope you who are reading this will approach me for clearification ^^

OK..you might thinking: what's the big deal? is she gonna announce her sudden wedding on her blog? is she quitting school and moving to North Pole?

well...the good news [or is it bad news for some?] is..it's none of the above..haha..[or maybe only me will have such speculations as someone commented lately that i think of life too dramatically =p]

Wish..
It is my wish for my birthdays coming up, that my friends and family will not give me any unnecessary gifts..not even a slice of cake please..

For my birthdays starting from now, and including christmas..It is my sincere wish that no money will be wasted on unnecessary stuff like cake or toys or ear-ring..

Bibles of different languages or translation...or an angpow...or life necessity will be deeply appreciated...

But most of all, if you truly wish me well..
I just need the presence of people i love and people who love me in my life.

This is something that i have become convicted about recently. To live a life of simplicity and contentment.

If anyone have any questions, please do ask me personally.
If you find my conviction stupid, please keep to yourself thank you.

::Home::

I am at Kota Kinabalu, Sabah now...in my home...

it has been a long day...

it finally dawn on me that i have two home now...

the feeling is both weird and ....glad? =p

i got alot a lot of things i have been meaning to blog down...

but somehow inertia just keep me on the sofa or bed instead..

ok...i promise to anyone who secretly like reading my blog..

i shall finally blog down everything when i have the luxury ok?

or when i can organize my thought properly...which ever come first...

::Testimony::

This is my story with Jesus...

I am now in my 11th month of this walk with Jesus, and it has been the most amazing 11 month of my life so far. Despite growing up in a traditional Buddhist family, I have gone to church since young, God has placed numerous people in my life all along to bring me to church and to share about His love with me. Christmas has always been my favourite day of the year ever since young, the story of Jesus and His enormous love never fail to captivate my heart. Even when I was not a Christian, i had occasionally prayed to God and had my prayer answered so specifically that I knew it could only be God that has made all these possible.

For example, when I was struggling whether I should come to Singapore alone or not, i prayed to God to show me He is real and show me a sign that a future in Singapore is meant for me. That very same day, I went to this big event organized by a local church, now when i looked back, I cannot exactly remember what happened that night, but just this peace that God is there that night and He had assured me to come.

God has made everything beautiful in His own timing, and I thank God for it. As God slowly revealed His plan for me, I come to appreciate how perfect His timing is. University is the point of life when I really start to think about the direction of life that I want to take. Being a person who just wanna sleep, eat and have fun all day, "meaning-of-life" this kind of thing never really caught my attention until I entered university.

When I came to NTU, I didn't join any FOC camp, I think most people could only imagine the horror I faced stepping into a big lecture theatre alone with no one to talk to and just so out of place. Yanyu is the first few people who offer their sincere friendship to me in Singapore, she told me her conversion story the very first time we met, and she invited me to their talent show thingy during the same week. I didn't show up for the thing unfortunately.

Then during the second week, we had breakfast together at the Palette in school - yanyu, jing ying, and me. She asked if I want to receive Christ that morning, I tried to give some excuses, but deep inside my heart, I know I've been wanting to take this step of faith for months, something inside me stirred and told me that it is now or never, all I have to do is be courageous. And thus, I received the greatest gift of my life on the day that only come once in a lifetime- 20.08.2008!

By His grace, I slowly recognized different side of myself that I never notice before, like pride in my heart, insecurity, selfishness..and frankly, quite a lot of things on the list that I can do better. He transforms me and helps me see the person I could become in Him - the person He had created to be, not just who I thought I am.

First time I went back to Malaysia after I received Christ, all of my best friends said that they see a totally new person in me, it gives them (and me also) a shock. This touches me a lot because people who know me before I received Christ recognized that it is God who had transformed me from the inside out.

God also teaches me to rely on Him more and more each day, and just surrender to Him every aspect of my life, be it financial difficulties, family, relationship with people, or my study. I came to realize that when I am by myself, I am like a disable and blind person, so inadequate and insignificant.

Not forgetting of course the spiritual family that He has blessed me with. There's too many blessings I have received in this short period of time that it seems impossible to recount them all in one blog post. So many people that love me sincerely that sometimes I can't help but think that I have received so much that there is no way I can bless them back in the same amount shown to me.

I recently shared about my story with Jesus to 2 of my friends whom I had became close with during the ACTSpotential camp. I see a lot of myself in them, they are like 2 different situation I used to be in the past, I guess that's why I am very comfortable talking and sharing to them. 1 of them actually came to receive Christ just a few days ago, I lead her through the sinner's prayer over a phone call, I dunno how had I sounded on the phone, but my hands were trembling during the whole process, out of over excitement? or scared that this is my first time doing this? I dunno. But what I do know is this is another beautiful memory I will bring with me to heavens, another sister that will join me in heavens.

It's gonna be one year in this journey soon, but just like the very first day, His perfect plan and timing continue to amaze me every single time, I still cannot fathom how He manage to plan all these, and I still am a person unworthy for this calling. I know I will never reach the standard of perfection in this lifetime, but nothing will ever stop me from trying.

I am His Work-In-Progress