::Will::

Life is so fragile.

I am starting to plan for a will recently. like.... donating my organ, what song to play on the funeral...

The world is passing me by, and i am still holding on to that yesteryear's wish: to live with no regrets.

Think i am more melo recently, not as noisy, and i am not sure if this is a good or bad thing. Well, at least i am not being emo

::Fast::

Fasting for the coming few weeks. To ask for greater wisdom and direction, to prepare my heart for mission trip, and simply because i want to...

Since it's the exam season, i am back in exam HQ again after missing out on the action for...this whole year? haha, since i spent the first half of the year in zoo.

the thing is, it's exam and everyone inevitably eat together for every single meal. i will reject these and receive a lot of "but why?", then there will be other people saying because i ate too much snacks just now or i want to save money etc.

i dunno, i just don't like telling people that i am fasting. it invites look of i-dunno-how-to-describe from other people. also dislike the feeling that someone who is fasting is "more spiritual", well, i am not. and don't like to be labeled as that as well.

4.56pm, third day into exam period. and i am starting to plan for my post-exam to-do list. haha.

oh wells, at least i am not stressed ;p

::Money::

Daddy, your children gave me money again. I casually put it into my bag, while being speechless once again. I forgot about it after one day, it's only till last night that i casually took it out. Only then i realized the amount they have given me. The amount is beyond my comprehension. Daddy, actually, i know, i am not that good and angelic. i am humbled once again.

::twotwo::

Today is my twenty-second birthday. When the clock reached 12am last night, I was filled with a lot of emotions. Mostly gratitude.

I think for the most part, my life is not perfect, yet, there are still many things i am grateful for. Even though my life has not been the best, yet, there's still so much blessings i have received that i know i do not deserve.

Want to say thank you.

Daddy & Mummy: Thanks for loving me and providing for me. It has not been easy supporting my education, but you persevere and believe in me. Thank you for understanding my decision to follow God, though you may not have the full picture yet, i hope that one day you will, then you will understand why it is the best decision i have ever made in my life. You are not the most expressive person on this earth, but i remembered all those moments when you asked me to take care of myself and just go and pursue my dreams without worrying the financial part of it.

Nick & William: Thanks for being my brothers. Life has not been easy on us, we are all too stubborn at time and will say things that hurt each other, but i know that at the end of the day, you will always stand by me. I remembered the time when you guys really hated one of my ex-boyfriend, you guys were so protective over me, and actually, i am very touched. Thank you for loving me and always looking up to me as you big sister, i hope that my life has inspired you.

Bell: thanks for being my friend, thanks for loving my parents more than i do. thanks for considering me before yourself. I love how we still are so close to each other even though we are miles apart and sometimes i hardly call you once in a few months. If life were to go my way, i would have loved to have you close to me so that we can still talk and laugh together. But it's ok, there's something in life that you know will just last till the day we die.

Yanyu: Thanks for being my friend, my course mate, my leader, my shepherd, my fyp mate. Thanks for listening to me when i grumbled and whined about things, thank you for understanding, thank you for always pointing me back to the truth, thank you for your rebuke, thank you for looking out for me and always blessing me with the little things in life. If you are north, i will be south, we are so radically different, but i am grateful of how you look past my flaws and care for me despite the difficulties at times. Actually, the thing i am most grateful for is you asking me the question on whether i want to receive Christ, twice.

Doris: Thanks for being my roomie. I know i am not the best roomie anyone can ask for, but thanks for tolerating with me and letting me know how i can improve. i am thankful that you have came to Singapore and now i can see you everyday. Life is so consuming that at times it feels like we are a couple who don't speak to each other anymore, but i hope you know that i do care and want to be the best roomie that one can have.

Hui Yi: Thank for being sheep. I am often time very encouraged by your growth in God. i am thankful as well that you are someone who is obedient and live out what has been placed in your heart. I remembered the overflowing joy in my heart the day when you were water baptised, nothing beats the joy of knowing another person is having a personal relationship with God. Thank you for your love shown through your own way, i actually feel loved everytime you strangled me in public, because i know that's how you love. I am thankful that although we have different personalities, we worked it out and didn't give up on each other. I am grateful that in this relationship, not only have you grown, but me too.

Qian Ru: thanks for being someone i can turn to in moments of weakness. thanks for accepting all my flaws and wrongs with grace. Thanks for always blessing me by treating me to food. I know that i have not been the easiest person to lead, but i am thankful that you did not give up on me, and i'm thankful that you are always there if ever i run into troubles. I am honored to have you in my life.

Xing Dan: thanks for being in my lg and encouraging me whenever i need it the most. you are a miracle that happened to me this year, i was so happy when you came to know God a few months ago, because i understood your loneliness, and i know that now that you have God in you, everything won't be the same anymore. i am thankful for the friendship we have, especially those times when we had the leisure of cooking together over the weekend, i really really hope that we can cook again soon. Thank you for giving me this chance to speak into your life, thank you for giving me your trust, it means a lot to me.

Ying Jie: Thanks for being my best friend. i am thankful for those times that you listened to my ranting and just be there for me even when you have no wise solution for me. thank you for always caring and praying for me. i am most grateful for all the exam seasons we have been through together, it's very encouraging to have someone who's fighting alongside me. I know we'll get to the end together someday.

Kok Siong: Thanks for always helping me to move house despite it not being very convenient for you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and moments with me vulnerably. Thanks for being a sincere friend who care how i am doing. i am grateful that i am serving along side you as we will be able to build each other up along the way.

Tracy: Thanks for being in my life, as a friend, a leader, ex-roomie and fellow advertising peep. Thank you for your wise counsel and willingness to accept my flaws. I am grateful for this chance to serve with you and to learn form you, and to get to know you better as a friend. I am grateful for all the blessings you have shown to me. Thankful for your thoughtfulness and understanding, thank you for the listening ears and willingness to guide me even when you were busy at times.

Zach: Thanks for being my friend, thanks for all the care and concerns over my fyp. Thanks for the prayers. i am thankful that our friendship continues after you graduated. I am grateful for all the little blessings you have given. Thanks.

God: They say we keep the best for the last. That's why i decided to dedicate the last post to you. Thanks for coming into my heart a few years ago, the moment when i found you, somehow, something deep inside me just know that everyone may fall away, but you will never let me go. Thank you for looking me with all my flaws and sins and wrong, and yet love me all the more. i am thankful that you have never given up on me, thankful that you are always there, that you will never leave me nor forsake me. i am thankful that even before anyone in this world know me and love me, you already did. i am thankful that you have remained with me even while i have fallen away at times. i am thankful that you know me through and through and love me through and through. thank you for loving me before you love yourself, thank you for being the one that i can go to unashamedly every time. Thank you for giving me little surprises along the way, like a rainbow, a beautiful sunset, or people along my path. Thank you for showing me the bigger picture i can claim as my own. Thank you for coming into the darkest corner of my heart and showing me that you do not despise that part of me, that you care more than i know, that you feel the pain and is hurt just as i am. Thank you for walking with me, bringing me up when i no longer have the strength to do so. Thank you for being the most beautiful thing that has ever happened in my life. Now i live knowing that apart from you i am nothing. You know that you'll have me forever, no matter what happens, no matter what other people say. It's you and me against the world. Thank you.

::Intervene::

I started the day with a new understanding for the word "priesthood", and its high relevance to the word "intercede".

I ended the day with a new understanding for the word "intercede", and its high relevance to the word "intervene".

What a liberating Truth i learn today. Prayer is not pettily wishing for something to happen, it is the claiming and proclamation of the victory we already have in Christ.

I shall proclaim that FYP will be finished victoriously!

::Blooms::

又到了花开的季节，这是我在南大的第四个花季。要说它是花季其实也不然，但，当那小小朵的白花随风飘下，心中又是充满了那么多的感动。

第四个花季，也代表了这是我在主怀抱的第四年。

当初，我不是为了接受耶稣才来到南大的。但，现在回头看，我真不敢想像，如果没有主，现在的我会是个什么样子。

在我生日的那天，高高兴兴地和燕羽在市区逛了逛，吃了一直超想吃的雪糕，拍了大头贴，也聊了好久好久。

除了满满的感恩，也还是满满的感恩。

在过去的三年里，第一次深深的体会到生命竟然可以如此地丰盛，快乐，奇妙。心，就是活在这种欢愉里。

当然，也有过那么多无眠的夜晚，当全世界仿佛都停止的时候，在那黑夜里独自默默掉的泪，只有主看到，也只有主能擦掉。

赞美之泉的付出的爱充分的表达了我内心的感恩。

每当我想起你宝贵十架

为了我的过犯你受刑罚

为了我得医治你受鞭伤

为了我得救赎付上代价

每当我想起你牺牲的爱

我要高举双手献上敬拜

我的心要不停献上感谢

主耶稣你为我做的一切

尊贵羔羊

配得我赞美

荣耀君王

配得我尊崇

再次献上赞美祭

我灵向你歌唱

感谢主你为我付出的爱

" 在 你 的 院 宇 住 一 日 ， 胜 似 在 别 处 住 千 日 ； 宁 可 在 我 　 神 殿 中 看 门 ， 不 愿 住 在 恶 人 的 帐 棚 里 。"-

詩 篇 84:10

::Foreign::

The topic of the influx of foreigners in Singapore is heating up again. While i doubt it will go down anytime soon, hearing what other people have to say hurts my heart a lot.

I am not a political student, i did not study public policy. But one thing i know, God created all men in His image and love them equally.

Take away all other considerations, i truly believe that all men should be treated with respect, regardless of whether they deserve it or not. You see, that is exactly why it's called Grace- because we never really did deserve it in the first place.

I feel sad, helpless, and muted, when i look at the loud voices out there that are saying all sorts of thing about the "other" group of people. Indonesian, Indian, Malaysian, Chinese blah blah blah.

Discussion goes on and on about whether "they" should be allowed to come blah blah blah. How about "them" then? Does anyone even want to know what "they" think?

A lot of time, i feel like being a foreigner here is a tiring thing, like being dragged to the slave market and waiting for people to shout out how much i worth without the chance of saying anything. And if i do say anything (like what i am doing now), whether people will even listen to it, much less respect it.

Sometimes (not all the time), i feel conscious walking on the street, there is this desire to blend in; there is this mute button to my mouth when i hear people talking about "foreigners", because i am guilty as charged.

Sometimes, i feel sorry for the indian man that got his bag checked at the mrt station while the rest of us walk by with equally big (if not, bigger) bags.

When the talks go on about how unfairly locals have been treated, my heart goes out for those who are sincerely trying their best to make Singapore their home and work hard with their own hands, and even those who don't seem to be "qualified to be empathized".

It is hard, leaving home and going to a foreign place where you are not welcomed to call it home. There are really some of us out there who loves our native lands a lot and at the same time are trying our best to just fit in.

Before I hear another word about fairness, equality, justice and all those big argument, i simply wish that people can start treating each other through the perspective that we are all just human. From dust we come, and to dust we will return one day. Can't we love before we judge?

Before fingers start pointing, i want to remember, the sinner that has received undeserving grace is me first and foremost.

If this post ever get noticed by more than 10 people, it will probably be hammered and shred to pieces. But i just have to say, i am not that proficient in responding to long posts.

::Crazy::

This must be crazy.

Now that i come to think of it, it's all crazy. Yet, i have this contradicting feeling inside of me that i am going to die but not.

Taking 2 part time jobs, having 1 and potentially another tuition job, paying more than what i have for rental each month, taking 5 modules this semester, doing FYP without knowing what i'm doing, taking on greater ownership in children ministry, taking care of more people in my life group, trying to be a helpful senior to the freshies, keeping in touch with my family, wanting to care for my malaysia friends more, learning guitar, doing housework, taking care of my sheep, planning meetings, being in deco ministry, wanting to spend time with my yr4 buddies, bible study, listening, talking, counselling, sharing, cleaning, cooking, washing... ...

To add to it, i am blogging now.

It's the first day of school, and i am starting to feel tired. This is all crazy, and the unknown adventures i will go through in my final year are going to be crazy as well.

Just to mentioned one that's particularly intriguing, a grandma hold my hands and walked me across the road last Saturday. Perhaps i looked too fragile, perhaps God asked her too, anyway i felt super loved <3

With that said, i think i am going to be all right if i do it with God, because He is more than able and forever faithful.

Ps: somehow ppl have the impression that i lay back and do nothing about my life, well, just wanna say that's not true, i believe in doing the best i can humanly, while knowing that life itself is not for me to control. For ppl that have known me and wonder why i said what i said, hope this clarifies. :) [i shall add a smiley face here just in case you thought i said that with much bitterness.haha]

::Children::

Today was an awesome, so i shall blog about an awesome revelation i had yesterday :D

I was reading someone's reflection on mission yesterday, and i was so amazed and touched when i see how God revealed His heart for the little ones to this person. We indeed serve the same mighty God and His plans shall prevail.

Last Sunday, i had the privileged of serving the little ones again. This sounds kinda creepy but there's this one day back in sabah when i was eating breakfast, and i look to the table across us, and the little boys sitting there look so much like 2 of my kids that i almost said their names out loud. LOL.

A brother brought his 2 little brothers to church, heard that they haven't come for a while. So i was very glad to bring them to church, they are amazing boys, and while talking to them, i was thinking at the back of my mind of how awesome it would be if i can win them to Christ. It is such a joy to imagine the endless possibilities of who they will be 20 years down the road if they have Jesus in their hearts.

Jotham also brought a smile to my face as the patience spent in comforting him and encouraging him to join the group paid off in the end :) This little cool kid always hold a special place in my heart, maybe it's the way he always reached out to let me hug him even when he is crying, or maybe it's that small little smile he suddenly has when he does coloring and blows bubbles.

On tuesday, i went to airport to send off the Vietnam STM team, and to my pleasant surprise, the facilitator's daughter who's going along to Vietnam is 2 years old Melia who just transferred to our group. :) She's such joyful kids with lotsa curiosity for the world around her. And i am very glad that the world around her will be guarded by her loving parents.

I have a revelation after i finished reading the mission reflection. It's not something new, but rather a confirmation of what God had placed in my heart since the Ripple Conference. The vision i had 2 years ago regarding missions was brought to mind, and i suddenly realized that the people who represents the lost that had appeared in the visions are all children! I have absolutely no idea why this has never register in my mind before. But i am glad God brings this to my attention now, to assures me once again i am on the right track.

I remember filling in the survey form handed out by a sister from The Navigators, one of the question was if i get to meet God, what would i like to tell Him. I wrote there: Am i on the right track?

That survey form later earned me a file from them, which in turn brought me to the right track, via a sister who shared Christ to me.

Stepping into the final year of Uni, i am glad God's answer is this: Yes.

::Real::

Finally, in the quiet of the night, i have time to blog.

Being back at Sabah hasn't turned out the way i have expected it to be. Some better than i thought, some worse, all in all, it could have been better i guess.

There's many things to give thanks for, like eating nice food, hanging out with friends, shopping, visiting Hope KK, and going fishing with my dad and brother.

But, one thing that i haven't done as well as i would have hoped seems to make the rest look insignificant, and that's my time spent with God.

Going out everyday, slacking at the couch and watching drama have filled my mind with a lot of noises. And the fact that the more i reflect about certain things in my life, the more i can't make sense of it is giving me a headache and makes me want to just go to sleep.

How childish is that.

Oh wells, saying is one thing, but in reality, i can't just "go to sleep" and forget about it. It bugs me every single time something trigger the button in my brain and make me think of it again. And the more i think and pray about it, more things will be revealed and brings out more questions.

Somehow, after one whole day of having fun and "busyness", i would only feel like i'm living and that the day has begun the moment i open my bible. I dunno how to describe this, but, on the days that i didn't open my Pooh Bible, it just feels so....empty...and tiring....

After 34 months of living with Him, i now can't live without Him.

In the midst of everything, i see one thing that is real:

"Fulfilling the Great Commission by raising Christ-centred disciples to plant vibrant, biblical churches in Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia and all over the world."

Just because Hope KK has a small place for worship, doesn't mean that they have a smaller God. Just because other mega churches have humongous buildings doesn't mean that they have a more extravagant God.

He is the same.

Hope KK is so small that the pastor know every single person by name, and greet all the visitors (including me) by name before he began his sermon. It is in this small place, that i hear from God for the first time in my life how BIG He is.

And for the first time in my life, i had praise and worship in 3 different languages consecutively in one session! :)

Ironically, He has graciously allowed my QT to be quite fruitful, despite my unfaithfulness to it. What more can i say except His grace is enough for me?

This is what's real

::Go::

This is an unfinished post that i will continue after my internship ends.

But for some reasons untold, i m just very compelled to type this right now:

If we do not see the need of outreach, if we think that mission is for other people, if we don't feel the compassion for people,

then perhaps,

we don't really know what is salvation,

even our own salvation.

Perhaps the Holy Spirit knows you will be reading this now. So, hope this help, whoever you are.

::Honesty::

I'm blogging from my cubicle right now. Can't believe i actually stayed back until this time. And that i am actually blogging on the only day i stayed back.

Honesty is hard to live out nowadays, i'm not sure whether it's good or not..but i've learnt over the years that people treasure honesty, but not when it's something they do not want to hear.

I've learnt to smile when I disagree with people, instead of saying it out. I've learnt that it's called acceptance and grace, not sure whether it is even right.

Honesty, one thing that I cannot practice most of the time.
Whether at school, or at work, or at home, or on the street, or at church.

Nope I am not feeling emo..I'm just feeling confused, I guess. I'm confused if even this feeling is called confused.

Is it wrong? to speak out loud what everyone knows to be true? to state the fact and ask why is it like that?

I feel tempted to post certain things in my mind right now..but i shall refrain..yet another honesty that perhaps will make people feel uncomfortable..

::Emotions::

have been wanting to blog..but there's a lack of time, and the lack of a suitable one-word title.

it has been an intensive 3 weeks for the new lifegroup that i am currently in, it feels like God 很看得起us, that it seems like He put us right to the training ground with no "chill & relax & do nothing" time in between.

Personally it has been an emotion roller-coaster for the past 3 weeks. Great joy and great sorrow.

And man, it's so tiring to experience both at the same time.

Within the past 3 weeks, we had one new spiritual baby, one death in the family of one of our LG member, LG sleepover, Easter season, ANOTHER new spiritual baby, my uncle having car accident, winning a car-squeezing contest, exam season.

So it's like: happy, sad, happy, sad etc.

Personally for me, it tested what i promised God before about having control over my emotions and to go beyond the call of duty despite my tiredness. Many many times, i am tempted to just call people i know and spill out all my emotions and be comforted, to have people give me a pat at the back or tell me it's alright, then i realized, God is the best comfort and support i can ever have. It is one thing to know that God will comfort us, quite another to really be comforted by Him personally. It just put everything to rest and assurance.

I am glad that i am closer to God through these 3 weeks, and having the faith to know for sure that no matter what happen, God holds us in His hands.

Thank you.

::Hope:

There's this joke that people in my church always made: there's hope in Hope.

it's kinda lame, but, not less true...

Today is a beautiful day. Very blessed by the time at Hope Tots.

Today i manage to made Jotham, the uber cool kid, laugh. Glenda actually remembered my name and ask to sit with me during worship. Joanne actually talk.

Aunty Jane commented that one of the kids, Caleb, is very fluent in speech, and i replied: yup, time to move on already. (ps: once a kid reach the age of 4, he/she will move on to another "SubD")

As i look at my ministry with the children, i realized how similar it is to discipleship in the uni group.

When they are still young, you try to run around catching them, make sure they don't fall, make sure they don't eat the wrong stuff, trying very hard to explain to them why cannot do certain things.

And when one day you see them telling the other kids don't cry, picking up the toys when they fall on the floor, come into the room and know where to put the bag and where to put the shoes, then you'll know, they are ready to move on already. They have already grown up and your job here at this phase of their life is done.

It's kinda a bitter-sweet moment, just hoping that maybe they can stay back at this place a little while more because you've grown to love them so much. Yet, at the same time, you can't wait to let go your hands so that they will really soar and find their own joy in that sky. Even if 10 years down the road, they might not remember you name, it will just make you proud to know that you have been part of that life.

(i sound like a mum :) this is my happy complaint )

Anther small gift form God is the glorious view of sunset i managed to catch just now, it's far better than any romantic scene in korean drama. For the reason that it's from God and He even bothered to gave it to me.

And i met Serene "the church-planter" today, and in her conversation with another sister, i heard the word "Nepal" and my eyes lit up. That's my bucket-list country! Therefore, i shall exercise more (like i did today) so that if i were to go Nepal or Tibet one day, no one can tell me my body is too weak therefore cannot go. Nope, i shall let no doctors and well-meaning people stop me.

The meh meh is gonna be a guitarist, i am quite happy and proud of her, i hope that one day i will see her soar too.

::Story::

One of the things i take away from cg last night- everyone has a special story to tell.

it's true what eng how once told me: everyone is normal until you become their shepherd..oh well, in my case, a caregroup member.

was just musing over this on the bus to hougang just now.

The couple sitting in front me of me, i wonder what's their story..they look about 30-ish, with no rings so might be not married yet.. the lady keep staring at the baby sitting across them while the guy tried to look away or have some small chat with the girlfriend. i wonder if the guy don't like children, why doesn't he like children? commitment? fears? memories from the past? or is it he already has children? (you'll never know). how about the lady, will she feel sad that she don't has a kid yet? does she even want a kid? hmmmm

how about the mum with the daughter, why did she come to the zoo alone with a less than 2 year old toddler? where is the husband? does she even has a husband?

and that couple hugging each other over there. how long have they know each other? do they really love each other? will they marry each other?

and the baby boy who just can't seem to sit still...how will his story be 20 years down the road?

it's really interesting to think of all these, apart from stopping me from falling asleep while standing and knocking over someone, think it's just quite amazing how in 24 hours, every single person on this earth are weaving our own stories...and after the sun set and rise, some continue while others not, yet, still other starts theirs anew....

on the cab back to NTU, had the fortunate experience of getting to know a very interesting uncle...his story is very amazing as well.. at the age of 50 plus, he have had a fairly good life, with amazing story to tell about his life...perhaps after i retire, i can be a cab driver as well..so that i can tell my story to others (hope it's amazing enough, haha)

hope i will meet him again...well, i guess it's another of those amazing things about life, how in that half an hour, together in that tiny space, we share our stories and our life, and when i closed the door behind me, he became just another face in the crowd and we might never meet each other ever again...

Behind every name is a story.

Behind every story is God's unfailing love.

::Hundred::

i just realized my last post was the 100th post i have posted on this blog. Waoh! what a mark of perseverance..wakakaka..

Thus, making this the 101th post..it sounds so romantic right?

Thanks Timothy for commenting on my 100th post...haha..you'll get a surprise gift for that..wait for it k...wakakaka..

[i am just sprouting nonsense because i have to go back to work again tomorrow...clearly sound-minded is not that prevalent in my head right now]

::Tired::

"Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about the sixth hour. "- John 4:6

The passage following this verse, Jesus will change the life of many people.

This is a passage that always touches me in more ways than one. But today, i see it in a new light yet again.

Jesus was tired, we can all get tired once in a while, some of us are constantly tired even. But what's different was Jesus lived with the consciousness of God in his life, therefore lives were changed, people were healed.

Today, Cassie Eva Seow, tired as she was from work \ministry\school......

how would i end my sentence? would i be one that changes life?

Yes, we are all tired and busy and always pressed for time, yet, it should never be the excuse for me to turn a blind eyes to people around me, to greater things that can be done in this city if only i see, if only i see what Jesus had seen, not his tiredness, but this woman that has been waiting for God, the Messiah, someone to come and save her...

eva, tired as she was from work, saw the people whose hearts are broken, whose eyes are blinded, whose body are chained by sins. eva make a difference in these people's life.

i hope that my book of life will be filled with such sentences.

::Calling::

There was once that i thought i have found my calling, it's not until these few days that i realized i was wrong.

The calling remains the same, but it was never mine to begin with, it has all along been His burden.

To phrase it more appropriately, i think it's not "my calling" per say, but rather at a time that God has deemed right, He has opened my eyes to what He has been doing and wanting to do all along. It has been His mission right from the beginning, it's just that He has shared it with me and now i have made a choice, a choice to make this burden the purpose of my life.

It's not work, but His.

::Reunion::

也许，如果团圆饭不是“团圆”饭，那我也不会有这苦涩的滋味。

但，尽管苦涩，我也满平静的，因为，现在，我有了活着的理由。

那份打从心低的喜悦与满足，是不会因为周围的状况而改变的。

::Sacrifice::

"Two words in the Christian language cannot go together: No, Lord. If you say No, He is not your Lord. If He really is your Lord, your answer must always be Yes." - Experiencing God

"Thomas had been saved in a refugee camp in Thailand...... He went through the community trying to led his Laotian brothers to Christ. The first week Thomas led fifteen adults to the Lord. The next week he led eleven to the Lord, and he wept because he felt he was so unfaithful to the Lord" - Experiencing God

“King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”- Daniel 3:17-18

When you see the greatness of our God, then you'll truly know, there is nothing that you cannot lose. Is that sacrifice really that big in the light of eternal salvation? You can lose all things in life and yet still have life itself, and when even that is taken away..so what? If I perish, I perish.

It's time to start reevaluating do we really know how great God is.

::Narnia::

Had a stay over with my little "circle of trust". We watched Narnia 1 to 3 together. The scene i remembered the most was the one when Lucy went into the forest to look for Aslan, and suddenly the flowers dance around her, and the tree came to life and made a path for her, one look at the path and any idiots will know that this must be leading to something good. Sure enough, Aslan was waiting for her at the end of that path.

It reminded me of the verse: God will make your path straight.

The most important thing of that straight and narrow path is this: He, the sum of all beauty and love, will be there with me.

This is the reason i walked that path.

::Work::

It's the second week of work. Apart from the animals in the zoo, there's nothing much exciting going on..
hmm..let me see..the most fun i had was folding the letters into two, then peel off the sticky thing on the envelope and then put the letter in, and seal it....

oh yah, i pushed the trolley and pretended there's a baby sitting on it.

God, please show me why am i here.

::Jam::

My brain is having traffic jam.

i really don't have the time to sit down and summarize every single thing that has been happening lately, that's because there's no break in between the things.

Went to STM at Jemara straight after Christmas (which was itself straight after exam), and after i came back, i started my internship with only one day break in between. (spent the day lying on bed feeling tired and watched some dramas to compensate for my lack of holiday). All in all, it's like so many happenings that should have taken longer to happen, but somehow, dunno why, they all happened in one shot.

I really want to write down every single thing, but for now, i shall settle on writing about the first day of my internship (cuz this is the easiest to write.)

I spent half of the day memorising the terms and conditions of different types of zoo membership packages, the other half of the day cross-checking application forms and the database. In conclusion, if you want to kill your dreams and destroys your purpose in life, do this for one month.

But i do believe that i won't be doing this for that long..a few days at most? I am hoping that it will kill off all those selfish dreams of mine, who knows, all this dream-killing might turn out for the better good.

Apart from that, all my colleagues seem quite nice, i was sick today so i probably looked like a totally hopeless intern in front of them, don't think i contributed much, but slowly bah, things will pick up along the way i think :)...And the office is literally stuffed with stuffed animals, i have pictures of giraffes swimming in my head now. Personally, my favorites are the flamingos and the orang utans (i mean the soft toys).

The best part about working in zoo?

The ANIMALS :D

Today i saw quite a few animals that I've never seen in my life, i'm taking my time slowly to explore every small corner of the zoo. Saw the white tiger, babirusa, tapir, kangaroo (do you know that they never stop growing?!), emu, pygmy hippo, warthog (man they are smelly!) , baby peacock (they were roaming around right outside my office).

The best part of the day?

Today i saw the most beautiful sunset in Singapore ever since i came here 2 and a half years ago. A big big lake, and the sun with orange clouds, with nothing in between (like literally no building at all.)...thanks Jesus for the first day gift :)

I know it's from Him because only Him always gives me unexpected gifts that is the best.

Went to Sing Africa event, 2 things encourages me the most:

1, the people from Hope Kenya

2, the people from Hope Singapore

i love the song one of the brother has composed by himself (sorry, i honestly can't remember the name ;p)...simple and sweet...i love the sharing that is sincere and sweet (basically, everythins is sweet.)

i am encouraged by the people form Hope Singapore as well, for being hospitable and caring, but most of all, for having the hearts to go and do missions and plant churches, frankly, sometimes i thought that i am the only one with all these crazy ideas in my head, lately, after interacting with more people, i realized that i am not the only one that's "crazy" around here, and it's very comforting to know that :)

The reflection of the day: as i walk around zoo wearing my staff badge, people started asking me questions, as if i know, but i guess it make sense, it's like if i am wearing the badge, it's as if somehow i SHOULD know everything and anything about the zoo and be prepared to answer any question, well, at least that's how i've treated hotels staff, teachers, doctors, etc, all those that wear that shiny little thing called badge.

The funny thing is, it doesn't take a genius to know that wearing a badge doesn't make you an encyclopedia. Yet we all go on expecting it.

Personally, i think it's a valuable lesson to be learnt at both ends.

As ambassador of Christ, am i prepared to go out there in "Christ's Disciple" badge and handle every single question and expectation that might come my way? yes, sometimes they are unreasonable, but am i ready to handle them? After all, even if asking an advertising student about zoology is unreasonable, it doesn't mean that i cannot go and read up on zoology so that i can be prepared to answer the next excited tourist.

On the other hand, do i have enough grace and love to see that my leaders, my shepherd and my brothers and sisters are not "know-it-all"? we are all, after all, still living in this side of the heaven. sometimes we think to ourselves : don't tell me they don't even know what this verse means?....why cant' he get what i'm trying to say here?...so how shepherd? so how?...i thought leaders should be better that what i am seeing now?....

Let's have less excuses and more diligence;

Let's have less planks and more grace.