::End::

Today marks the end of exam, not much big deal really, compared to the rest of the stuff going on.

I dunno if i'm slow or what, but i just realized today that i will have no holiday AT ALL this time around, but doesn't matter! i wouldn't trade it for anything else.

It's just quite intimidating, that's all.

the thought of working full time for the next 6 months starting from next next week. Don't really know what to expect, and i really hope that i can utilize the next sem apart from going from project to project.

i am like a shifting shadows, and i changes, a lot.

just recently, i decided not to go into advertising after all, there's just this aura that i couldn't quite pen down until today. As i was sitting in the exam hall taking my advertising exam, it suddenly dawn on me, like a revelation.

I don't like advertising cuz most of the time your hard work is not equivalent to your result. so what if you are diligent and hardworking? so what if you stay up all night to think of ideas? at the end of the day, if it's not accepted, then it's nothing, just another piece of paper to be thrown away. Well, of course no one will discredit the hard work one has to put in for every single ad, it's just that, the whole thing seem so not....fair...

yah, i know,i am a childish person to still be thinking that it would be fair in the working world. me being childish is not equivalent to it being good though.

just now was reading the book Experiencing God, one thing i realize i've been doing more- planning, one thing i've been doing less- praying. This is totally not good. It's not really about this one best or that one best, and the end of the day, even if it's best in everyone's eyes, what good is it if it's not what God wants me to do?

"What good would Abraham have done by telling God how he was planning to take a survey of Sodom and Gomorrah and go door-to-door witnessing the day before God was going to destroy the cities?"

totally loving the analogy.

it's not WWJD, but rather, What Does Jesus Wants Me To Do?

As it marks the end of year 3 semester 1 for me, it also marks the end of my school life with the nbs peeps forever. yah, my RB told me at the beginning of this sem that i should treasure this sem cuz it will be the last we'll have together as school mates.

have i treasured this sem well?

asi asi

::Negative::

i started this blog with a secret wish of keeping it positive, to blog about the better things and blessings in life and not just a ranting of my emo-ness like what most people do.

but tonight, just once, please allow me to be weak as well. I'm just human, and an emo one tonight.

nothing bad happened to me, in fact, i am constantly blessed by a lot of things.

it's a mixture of so many things that i dunno what am i feeling anymore.

usually, when i am truly emo, i'll run and hide, i'll escape, i'll refuse to face the world.

so, perhaps it's not that bad tonight.

it's just that i felt crippled...by my inability to love.

something happened to a dear friend of mine today, but i didn't know what to do.

and as i was staring into thin air thinking what to do, i realized how long it has been since i last had a good chat with her.

i realized..i really dunno what to say or do..

it felt like there's nothing i can say or do that will help...

i overheard (ok, i eavesdrop) the conversation of 3 old ladies on the train today. they started talking about their family, A said that ever since the parents died, there's very little among the siblings, she went on to talked about her brother that died. B talked about her sister who's staying with her cause got no where to go and her brother's family don't like her sister. C talked about how it has been years since they gathered with their good friends.

waoh, i've thought about my parents dying before, but not my own siblings.

waoh, will my family become like that? broken after the death of my parents?

waoh, in this wide wide world, will i lose contact with people i treasured forever?

but actually, i'm seeing these unfolding in my own life.

i don't really know most of my cousins, and after my grandparents passed away, we didn't really gather anymore, who don't like who all those kinda thing.

i once had a close friend that became my ex-close friend after a misunderstanding, i don't really know how is she now, i missed those times when we joked about becoming "shao nai nai".

for the few past relationships that i have had, i lost contact with almost all of them, how are they doing now? if only we can still be friend.

i haven't seen some of my best friends for years already, i really miss them.

i missed those times where everything is simpler.

though i would not trade my life now for anything else.

life,

it's filled with things out of our control.

relationship.

what a weird thing.

it seems as if our whole existence is defined by it.

family and friends- apparently all human relationship fall into these two categories.

why two? are there really so many different type of love? how do we know which one is which? is there a framework to define what kind of "love" we're having for different people at any one point of time?

family- years to be like friends.

friends- yearns to be like family.

why?

why do i feel sad when i dunno what's going on in my friends' lives?

why is it important to know anyway?

why do i feel sad when i only get to know what happened in the lives of people i see frequently through blogs or other people?

why do i not know what to do when i wanna care for other people?

why does it hurt me when other people are the one troubled?

why didn't i just go and ask what's going on when i really wanted to know?

why did i turned around and act as if i don't care?

on the other hand, why do i go on pretending when i'm not?

standing under the moon light and the stars,

i lean my head against the leafs,

hearing the rustling of wind,

it's as if God is saying "I am here"

life, is still beautiful after all.

right?

::Interesting::

Life has been full of unexpected little surprises, jokes, and blessings for the past few days :)

Firstly, my laptop got a new name! Whee~ it's called alegria, it means joy in spanish, cuz there's just so much joy in my life recently, and also i really wanna learn my spanish properly, who knows, it might come to use one day.

Last Sunday was chaos at Hope Tots, a few kids were crying and screaming so insanely loud that they drown out the music during praise and worship, and poor Kah Ong need to scream at the top of his lung during Bible story time. But, the worst of all is poor poor Anne, TWO kids puke on her!! TWO!!

I tried using guitar during worship time for the very first time in Hope Tots, the kids were fascinated b the guitar but they couldn't really hear it properly cuz the crying voices are just too mighty for my poor old guitar.

During worship, i said : "ok kids, now let's sing the song Jesus loves me", one boy actually look up to me earnestly :"chicken?" ...understandably, the adults in the room start to burst out in pure joy...hahaha..i look at him :"no dear, not chicken, it's Jesus"...haha...kids...they are the best :)

At night after having dinner with Kok Siong and Gerard at can2, it suddenly pour down madly. It's like all the women in heaven decided to cry together...or something like that.

In the end, i was soaked and my feet were "dipped" in mud water, yet somehow, i feel strangely satisfied and happy and thankful.

I remembered the days when i was still in primary school, my mum will walk me to and fro the school every single day. And when it rains, she will bring raincoat and slippers for me and we'll brave the shallow flood together.

I remembered the feeling of the mud water rushing through my tiny toes. there's one time that it rain so heavily that we can't even cross the pool of water, it's so fortunate that we manage to meet this lady that offer us a ride.

Last Sunday night felt like that time.

I feel happy waiting for the shuttle bus that seems to take forever to come, because somehow i feel so alive. Somehow knowing that rains and muds are still real in my world, knowing that i am not living in a shell made of steel, knowing that nature is still alive...all these feelings coming together, just make me feel thankful.

Today we had Short Term Missions team meeting.Extremely thankful that somehow God has made the impossible possible, it has been month of uncertainty, one moment i can go then the next cannot, then can, then cannot...it has been months of really saying there's pnly so much i can do and the rest is totally up to God's will...Very thankful for the time as well, we are definitely very different, but that's gonna make it all the more exciting! :)

Thankful that my bank account has more money than i thought, therefore i am able to fund the trip on my own. Thankful for my dear Wildboar that lend me the money, thankful for my dear shepherd who silently help me pay off the rest.

Thankful that i found $1 under the table just now while cleaning up :)

Thankful for the unknown person who left his/her ju hua cha behind, it was put to good used in blessing another person :)

May my week continue to be such as the rest of my week will be loaded with stuff.

::Blog::

Today i've been reading blogs...now that i have my own laptop ( with a million shoutouts of thanks to "papa"), it will be easier to "stalk" people. with lotsa loves of course.haha

i realised blogging this kinda thing can easily go both ways- helpful or harmful.

i feel a bit sad that i can only hear people's true thoughts through a screen.

i feel sad that perhaps this is because i haven't been caring enough.

i feel sad that so many people are seemingly living a mask.

On another notes, today is really an amazingly blessed days, in so many ways.

i'm thankful for so many people in my life that cross my path today. ( you know who you are :))

i'm thankful for this new laptop.

i'm extremely thankful to God.

and i feel like the quote in my blog is so true in so many ways- we are only strong if we stood even in the storm, we are only giving if we gave even when it hurts.

yah, it's a bitter-sweet day. But it's worth it

::Building::

Went to textile centre for District Meet this tuesday night...

very thankful for the time.

As i am standing there during Praise and Worship, once again was very touched by the significant of this place. Every inch of this building is built by sacrifices of people in my family.

The last amazement comes when i finally see the most special and awesome and amazing thing about this building.

It's covered by the Blood of the Lamb. Every last inch of it...

Waoh, personally, i think that's powerful, and that's what gonna move this church.

::Marriage::

Another of my friend just got married, it's so unfortunate that once again i wasn't able to attend a wedding..

Scrolling through the photos in facebook.

Getting married suddenly feels quite scary,i look at their happy faces and think to myself: waoh this is it then? one person that you'll gonna see every single day for the rest of 50 years. Waoh that's scary.

now this is really faith..

...........................still scary..lolx

::Old::

Nat brought my stuff over just now..i love looking at my photo albums..reminded by my old days..

i love reminiscing the past! LOL (sign of getting old)

and manage to dig up my old blog as well! i was really stupid back then...
anyway, if you are interested of who is Seow Yen Nie before she received Christ, i now give you the permission to look at my old blog..

cassieseow.blog.friendster.com

i can't stop you from judging my old self, but hopefully some will see that i am indeed changed, as i am convinced that i am..

:)

::Friends::

Church friends fall into a weird category in my life. i dont' particularly like them, don't particularly hate them...with most of them i have nothing in common...yet i can't imagine my life without them..

friends..i have had more than a couple of them in the brief 21 years of my life..i hang out with people i liked..people who liked me..and people who think alike as me [there's less than less people that falls into this category]...some of them grew apart, i kinda expected i will never see them again for the rest of my life..some of them are so far away, try as i may to maintain the friendship, i still fear that one day they will become one of the statistic for the previous category...

but.. people in church...

we kinda just suddenly become friends the moment we step through the door of heaven.
no "exploration" stage, no "settling down" stage...

it's not that i don't like them, i like them for who they are..but..it's not like other friends that i like them for what they do or don't do.

i kinda expect that even if we grew apart, i will see these friends from church for the rest of my life and until eternity...never see their face ever again? that thought seldom cross my mind...and on the few rare occassions that it did, it's definately not because we have "grew apart".

people come..people leave...
church is such a place...

people come..people stay...
heaven is such a place...

i pray innocently and over-positively that none will leave from now on, i want to selfishly see them for the rest of my life and eternity....i am young and excusable for such thoughts still...i dunno if i can still be so innocent 30 years down the road...

there's this saying that if you think you are standing strong today, be even more aware that you don't fall tomorrow.

i still believe that i don't fall into this category..

i believe that no matter what bad things crash me hard in life, i will hold on to Jesus regardless.

how can you leave? how can you turn away when you have tasted Heaven? I cannot.
To deny after you have tasted Heaven, life itself will look like Hell.

30 years down the road, i want to be a naggy mum, a noisy aunt, a devoted child of God.

::Clumsy::

those who know me well knows that i am a CLUMSY person..here's some of my records:

1. broke a glass in KBox cuz i jump around while singing and my hand just dunno how swept across the table and the glass shattered. I put the glass cup back on the table and pretend nth happened and walk out of KBox. Sorry KBox.
2. i was touching the christmas deco in one of those very expensive branded apperal shop, onw of the christmas ball dropped and roll across the floor with the salesgirl staring at me.
3. i always dripped sauce on my shirt. Gerard can testify to this, he once counted how many times i dropped food onto myself while eating.
4. i tried a ring in a shop before and the whole top part broke when i try to take the ring out.
5. i lost a tshirt in the washing machine, yah i dunno what happened.
6. etc. etc. etc.

The point is, i m so clumsy!

today i paid the consequence, literally.

i walked into a gift shop, Precious Thought; touched one of the small box; it dropped; roll across the floor; i paid

:(

one week of allowance gone.

why am i me?

::Timothy::

Dear Yeo,

This is an open letter to you, since you warm my heart by commenting that my blog has been dead for a while.

for those irrelevant people who are reading this, tim yeo is a typical singaporean. He dreams of getting married soon...he loves God but hate bunny.

my blog has been dead for a while.. cuz i m just so lazy to blog..
i m very old school... just love my paper n pen..

and i love talking to people face to face. non-verbal communication do account for 70% of our communication, after all..

my blog might be revived after all...due to my slack schedule..
living life is difficult..i might need to vent it off here once in a while..

so tim, keep reading my blog k during your office hour.

tim is my idol, if he can sing, so can i!
Yeah!

:TwentyOne::

happy birthday cassie..

it's my 21st Birthday..here i am, alone in hall, in the cold computer room with a stranger sitting across the room, typing on a black keyboard that doesn't belong to me.

i had the most peaceful birthday celebration today. An irony, considering most people think that 21st Bday should be one of the biggest day of your life. Well, no alcohol, no fancy party, no loud singing, no cheering, no cake, no candles.

Yet, my heart has never felt this much contentment and peace.

today is a special day, because i have people i love, and people who love me. I have an amazing God, and honestly, that's all i need to be happy.

thank you, for being in my life, for giving me reasons to smile, for giving me courage to stand.

::Past::

this is the fourth day back home..i dug out a lot of old artefacts from the past...

and i realized how much i have forgotten..and how i actually still remember everything so clearly...i realized for all of the things..it's not that i have forgotten bout them...they are simply tucked away nicely somewhere in the corner...actually...the details are still clear on my mind....

the most amusing discovery of the day was the stack of love letters i have received...and the stack that i wrote but never give out....after so many years....

haha..i was so childish...

i was so stubborn...

i was so stupid..

i was so insecure..

i was so full of fantasy...

i was so emotional....

i was so silly...

.......and sometimes, i still am

:)

[beauty of life]

::Baby::

This blog has fallen to the category of "dead blogs" for a while now, various reasons contributed to it.

I m just too lazy n tired n busy.
I believe in face-to-face communication, u don't need to know me through my blog.
Some things that happened lately are just too personal to share here..

But i think the new spiritual baby in my CG deserves this post. who knows, one day she will rummage through this blog and discover this entry that was posted for her while she is still a baby, i believe that will be quite precious. =)

[so hui yi, if you are reading this, i really treasures you, i pray that after a lot of years u will read this again and our love will only grow deeper.]

yup, the newB in my CG is called HuiYi. When she received Christ in the middle of the night while we are still in the camp, my brain honestly cannot register at all, frankly i was quite faithless, and when i received the news, i was really unbelievable.

i just came back form follow-up, till now it still feels surreal.

i can only say, this is really a treasure from God that drops from the sky. Me and yanyu was just looking at eaach other all the time before and after the follow-up and keep shaking our head, "this is REALLY NOT us"..lol, i think everyone in the group identify with this, like, we are super cui and discouraged and everything, and at the end of the day, we just continue to pray and pray and pray and gave our best even if our brains were dead most of the time.

Now, we are just giving thanks to God, He moves in ways that we totally didn't expected, i know this is so that we will not rely on ourselves, and to know He is The LORD our God.

By faith, our group will multiply by the end of this year =)

::choice::

The Choice
by Max Lucado

He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless on the ground.

All of the Garden's inhabitants paused to witness the event.
Hawks hovered. Giraffes stretched. Trees bowed. Butterflies paused on petals and watched.
"You will love me, nature," God said. "I made you that way. You will obey me, universe. For you were designed to do so. You will reflect my glory, skies, for that is how you were created. But this one will be like me. This one will be able to choose."

All were silent as the Creator reached into himself and removed something yet unseen. A seed. "It's called 'choice.' The seed of choice."
Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.

An angel spoke, "But what if he ... "
"What if he chooses not to love?" the Creator finished.
"Come, I will show you."
Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow.

"There, see the fruit of the seed of choice, both the sweet and the bitter."

The angel gasped at what he saw.
Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion. Chosen tenderness.
Never had he seen anything like these.
He felt the love of the Adams.
He heard the joy of Eve and her daughters.
He saw the food and the burdens shared.
He absorbed the kindness and marveled at the warmth.

"Heaven has never seen such beauty, my Lord. Truly, this is your greatest creation."
"Ah, but you've only seen the sweet. Now witness the bitter."

A stench enveloped the pair.
The angel turned in horror and proclaimed, "What is it?"
The Creator spoke only one word: "Selfishness."

The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance.
Never had he seen such filth.
Rotten hearts. Ruptured promises. Forgotten loyalties. Children of the creation wandering blindly in lonely labyrinths.

"This is the result of choice?" the angel asked.
"Yes."
"They will forget you?"
"Yes."
"They will reject you?"
"Yes."
"They will never come back?"
"Some will. Most won't."
"What will it take to make them listen?"

The Creator walked on in time, further and further into the future, until he stood by a tree.

A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that would surround him.
With another step into the future, he paused before another tree.

It stood alone, a stubborn ruler of a bald hill.
The trunk was thick, and the wood was strong.
Soon it would be cut.
Soon it would be trimmed.
Soon it would be mounted on the stony brow of another hill.
And soon he would be hung on it.

He felt the wood rub against a back he did not yet wear.

"Will you go down there?" the angel asked.
"I will."
"Is there no other way?"
"There is not."
"Wouldn't it be easier to not plant the seed? Wouldn't it be easier to not give the choice?"
"It would," the Creator spoke slowly.

"But to remove the choice is to remove the love."
He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene.
Three figures hung on three crosses.
Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.

Men clad in soldiers' garb sat on the ground near the trio. They played games in the dirt and laughed.

Men clad in religion stood off to one side. They smiled. Arrogant, cocky. They had protected God, they thought, by killing this false one.

Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill. Speechless. Faces tear streaked. Eyes downward. One put her arm around another and tried to lead her away. She wouldn't leave. "I will stay," she said softly. "I will stay."

All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect.
But the Creator gave no command."It must be done ... ," he said, and withdrew.
But as he stepped back in time, he heard the cry that he would someday scream: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34) He wrenched at tomorrow's agony.

The angel spoke again. "It would be less painful ... "
The Creator interrupted softly. "But it wouldn't be love."

They stepped into the Garden again.
The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation.

A monsoon of love swelled up within him.
He had died for the creation before he had made him.
God's form bent over the sculptured face and breathed.
Dust stirred on the lips of the new one.
The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved. And an eye opened.

But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit.
Those who could see the unseen gasped.

Perhaps it was the wind who said it first.
Perhaps what the star saw that moment is what has made it blink ever since.
Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:"It looks like ... it appears so much like ... it is him!"

The angel wasn't speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside—at the soul.

"It's eternal!" gasped another.

Within the man, God had placed a divine seed.

A seed of his self.

The God of might had created earth's mightiest.
The Creator had created, not a creature, but another creator.
And the One who had chosen to love had created one who could love in return.
Now it's our choice.


From In the Eye of the Storm
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1997) Max Lucado

::Judge::

In communication school, we learn that every single person on the earth is bias.
Today, i learn that cassie eva seow is self-righteous.

i never thought of myself as self-righteous, seriously!
proud, yes..sarcastic, yes...skeptical, yes...
But today I am humbled to see myself in the mirror as the self-righteous person i really am.

i was going to maybank, and when i reach the ATM machine there was a long queue of bangladeshi-looking guys...i walked away telling myself that i will come back later when the queue is shorter.

But when i got back after a stroll in the pet shop, the queue got longer, so i decided to wait.
Then i told myself that i am really bored standing there, so i shall read the philosophy book i borrowed from the library to kill time.

Then it dawn on me.
Actually...
The truth is...
I don't want to queue there..
I don't want to stand near them..
I don't want to be associated with them..
I want to appear more sophisticated than them...
I want to avoid interaction with them..

well of course social scientist can tell you all about the theories involved..how we tend to create different social distance to associate ourselves with people that we like and are similar to us...

But..
I see the truth about myself...

how can i claim to love the world and want to be a missionary if my compassion and mercy and non-judgmental "eye" has an on-off button?

love should not be an emotion we indulged in only with people we prefer.
love should not be a charity work we engaged in only after we see disaster happen to others.

i wonder what would Jesus do?

He probably will have a nice chat with the guy next to me about his girlfriends, and by the time He reach the ATM machine, He would already have shown heavens to that whole line of people.

He probably will be one of the man lining up there with passerby looking at Him and thinking "get out of my sophisticated country".....

these people don't exist in a far away land where i will one day go and change their life.[as ignorant as i am.]
it's here and now...and how easily have i missed the point that Jesus mentioned:
"whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me." [matt25:45]

and when i was queuing up at 179 bus stop, again i see how much more comfortable i am standing there..i almost feel proud standing there actually...it shows that i am a university student reading a hard-to-understand book. [seriously, i don't actually get what i am reading.]

i learn a precious lesson today.
may it be remembered and not forgotten as i walked away from the mirror.

::Dinner::

[pardon my not so organized thoughts, weird sentence structure and grammar mistakes.]

I had dinner with yang chao just now, ended up we talked for 2 and a half hour~

Our topic flied from school to holidays to new year to seasons to society to discrimination to identity to escapism to collectivism to individualistic to childhood to love to happiness to purpose of life to books to literature....etc.... It was nice to chat on and on..we finally went to our own room when they closed the lights of the canteen.

There's 2 things that i remember the most from our conversation:

He told me that he just learned this new concept of escapism, and how zai nan zai nv in China feel that they are happier that way..so why not we let people be if they can be happier that way? isn't it better? Something just struck me, how the pattern of this world is evolving to suit the Kingdom of Darkness better. It's also the same thing that struck me while in my lecture just now.

We live in a digitalized world, yes, technology has benefited us in a huge way, but slowly, the ugliness of internet has shown its true color. Despite the advancing of technology, we are actually still in an age that doesn't differ much to the era before industrial revolution where knowledge means power, and the more power we had, the more knowledge we want in order to secure the existing power we had and to gain more and more. Everything is an ugly cycle that is repeating itself, disguising under different names, whether The Church or The Internet, the end goal? Selfishness.

But what's different now is that this ugly cycle has up it's level, it no longer compete with the Kingdom of Light using human only, now it involves inventions of human- non-living things to advance its purpose. The Mighty Internet, eliminated limitation in Speed, Space, Storage [amount of info we are able to hold in our hands]...ultimately, it's gonna eliminate community.

The more speed we have now, the faster even we want things to be done, and this is what the Devil's gonna offer to us- the shortcut; the easy way out; why wait?..

It will be a sad day when we replace our loved ones with a screen or a webcam [wait, is it what we are doing now already?]. The easy way out will promise us names on facebook wall that will not break our hearts, we do not need to talk to a person, we do not need to look at their annoying attitudes, but yes, we can still be friends...at what cost?...We will be just taking all the good things while ignoring the hard part of a relationship that actually will bring us the greater reward.

This questions will keep seducing us with its promise of instant reward and happiness, it will knock on our door and ask us: this is not something bad right?

But you know, life is about taking that risk, the risk of getting heart broken and misunderstood, because with it comes greater reward: the life to the fullest that can only be lived out in a true community, not just a community where everyone is happy and just the way "I want them to be"...A community with emotions; with ups and downs; with shoulders for support and hugs for comfort...real human life..not an imaginary life most of us now live with our friends in the form of a facebook photo.

There's this term in Christianity called "excommunicate", it's basically to kick an unrepentant believer out of the fellowship of the church, my prof said something interesting about this, he said that we are basically "excommunicating" ourselves with the use of internet, it's so true! by expressing our emotions through facebook n blogging instead of talking it through with people, we are really excommunicating ourselves from people who love us, at the same time we are excommunicating them from our lives as well.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying the internet is the ultimate evil that we need to defeat, i'm blogging now aren't I?..what I'm saying is that have we reach a point whereby we do not even be our true self anymore in reality? Do we only dare to express ourselves when we don't need to see people face to face? Do we tuck ourselves away in the comfort zone of internet where we can choose who to be our friends in virtual reality because it's easier than handling the emotions you faced with your parents or friends?

You see, the internet comes to our rescue, promises to save us from the heartbreaks we face from people, giving us the easy way out..and it is very hardworking in making sure that the easy way of the World will be more and more easier- to lure us unto that path.

Looking at the Aurora is awesome, but if in our lifetime we're just gonna be satisfied at looking at a photo without taking the risk to actually go there ourselves, the experience of seeing an Aurora in it's fullest glory will never be ours, and all we can do is imagine in the comfort of our own home how it must be like to stand underneath there, even if for just 5 minutes.

Ultimately, the life to the fullest is freely given to people who not only believe, but also dare to take the risk to really trust and to act upon that trust despite circumstances. Aurora is always there, but it's up to us to take the risk to go and claim it.

Another point that we discussed is on the topic of romantic relationship, he was telling me how romance and love is produced by hormones, it will die down after 3 years. So what should people do after that? Divorce is not good right? then should use law to bind people together? should we emphasis on loyalty instead of love? and there's this drama where the character leave each other to have a break in the relationship and decide that if after 3 years they still love each other then it would be true love and they should be together.

I told him that I belief the concept of what love is is different for everyone, and surely distorted by many, but i truly belief that there is an underlying value of what love is that will be agreed universally, because when God made us, He did so with Love, so surely it is there, perhaps it's just too deep for us to comprehend it completely, but at the same time the universal cry and longing for it is so deep that people can't stand any moment waiting to figure out what it is, that's why we chose to take matters into own hands and take the easy way instead.

As for the hormones of love that dies after 3 years, i told him i belief that love is more than hormones. People tends to glorify the romantic relationship shared by two partners in love, but I belief that it is the same kind of love that parents have for their children as well.

If the excitement and joy a mother first found out that she's pregnant is parallel to the first date, then the pregnancy will be parallel to the dating process, so after 3 years..the child starts to be very naughty, break everything in the house, is a mother who loves her child gonna abandon the child? Likely no right? So what gave us the right to tell our husband or wife that we are sick and tired of them already, that they are not good enough for us anymore?

A first time mum who don't know how to take care of her naughty kid is not gonna "divorce" him just because of it if she loves him, she's gonna do everything she can to love her child, she's gonna learn new things to teach her child, she's gonna protect her child even if others scolded her child to be naughty and she knew it to be true, she's gonna nurture her child and give him the best that she can provide.

A lot of times we forgot that this love should be the same that we hold in other relationships. Instead of searching for the easiest way, it should be protected and nurtured. What is her "secret" to loving her child despite everything? She see herself in the child, she knows by all her heart that first and foremost he is hers, this simple fact is more important than him being naughty.

A mother will lay down her life for the child. When we proclaim we love someone, are we ready to protect and nurture? are we ready to see them as our own loved ones?

Are we ready to lay down our life?

One day a long long time ago, a father choose to take a path that many other questions to protect and love his children, he spent many years in disguise trying to approach his children, no matter how naughty and how many times they doubted him. One day, he laid down his life for his children, many other questions this decision also, but the father wouldn't have it any other way, because he loves his children, even if they were naughty.

That, is my Father. He has loved me for more than 3 years, it has been 21 years in fact.
And I can't wait for many more years together with Him.

::Virtual::

I'm in communication studies. And studying this in this era means 50% of your modules and what your prof talks about will be about the magical wonder tool called "Internet"

I read a few articles on christianitytoday.com recently that talks about this topic as well.

[http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/communitylife/evangelism/churchvirtually.html]
[http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/january/20.14.html]

Seems like everywhere i turn i just see people discussing about Facebook and blogging and on and on...

This is usually where i will start sharing how i feel about this trend and [try to] write some wise stuff, well, i have none of those..obviously everything that can be talked about regarding this topic has already be talked about. and obviously those super eloquent writers out there express it way better than me.

Just wanna take myself as a case study.haha. Personally, facebook is quite dominating in my life. When i went online, first thing i'll do is check email, after that facebook, after that blogs.. i have definitely benefited from all these platforms: keeping in touch with my friends that's overseas [real life personal friend, not random strangers that we tend to anyhow add online], get to know someone better, strength of weak ties..blah blah blah..

But you know what, no matter how powerful msn or facebook is.. They can never replace face to face communication. Non-verbal communication is way more important important than what most people take it to be, even skype or webcam cannot replace face to face communication.

I remember seeing my friend at orchard after 2 years. I tell you, no matter how much we chat on msn or webcam or write something on each others wall, NOTHING, absolutely no virtual interaction during those 2 years can replace the half an hour we spent talking face to face.

::First::

First day of school. That's why i think it deserves a post.

Yr2 Sem2

Waoh, i am a sophomore =p

Ok, i shall recount the day like writing a composition for my UPSR.haha..

Woke up at 8.11am today, i was determined to get to the library before lecture starts to borrow my textbook. Glad i make it! Turns out Liting n Michelle Er are taking the same module as well =) yeah i'm not alone.

Think i'm so used to going to 99% of the classes by myself already, it's good to have a bit more company for a change. Dunno lerh, am i passive or too busy? seems like i don't have much "social life", or "weak link" going on here, those weak links are very powerful you know..

After that i got to HQ, spent some time there, had lunch with Guo Feng, Corinna, Guan Rui and Hong Yao..Hearing Guan Rui talked about his recent trip to Cambodia got me thinking bout lotsa things..

I went to WKW after that, the renovation works going on there makes the place totally unrecognizable. The dust and the noise are not the worst part actually...the worst part is the color of the doors!! Oh gosh!! Who the hack decided to put that color on all the doors in our lovely school??? IT's like a very dull purpish-pink sorta color..not flattering at all...oh well, maybe i have high degree of uncertainty avoidance, so that's why the change throws me off my feet.

I nearly fall asleep in the lecture...zZzZ...

Well, at least i finally have a module that's gonna use clicker..haha..yah i haven't touch that thing before..think the prof in our school prefer to do it the traditional way-- the hum test..haha

At least the class ended one hour earlier...went to library after that to sit down and study for next week's chapter cuz i decided not to buy book this sem..spent close to one hour reading through chapter 2..[i later realize that chp 2 is not in the syllabus T-T]

Went to HQ after that, quite bored and tired, so just sat there and chat randomly with Kuang Ting, jeek, Kok Siong n DeSouza....

I was contemplating bout skipping my earthlink meeting just now, in the end i still went for it, just feel like it is my responsibility and no matter how much i think it's a waste of time i still need to honor my commitment...[turn out it wasn't a total waste of time]

I also realized just now i cannot change my MajorPE into UE...oh well...

Feel defeated today..seems like making wrong decisions here and there...chestnut isn't cooperating with me too..

Let my heart dropped when it shouldn't have

::Resolution::

I came across this online, find it quite amusing, at the same time i'm reminded by the many times i have neglected the simplest thing just because i think i have "more important things" to do.

::Year::

365 days; Another year has passed me by.

I remember i ended 2008 with a high mood, toasting for 2009 ahead, anticipating where the wind will blow me to.

Well, i never thought the wind would blow me to such a dramatic year of 2009.

It ended with a low note, now for 2010 ahead, i dunno where the wind would blow me to, but, i wish it can be less dramatic bah...hmm..but is tat what i really want? a feel-nothing-live-like-this year??

Actually, i don't really want that kind of life as well.

Today, The NewPaper's front page is someone saying his new year resolution is "To Live". What's mine?

Actually, now that i come to think of it,i would rather have another dramatic year than a feel-nothing-live-like-this year...I just want a better year...

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This week was quite busy with the performance rehearsal for Uni-YA anniversary dinner.

30 Dec is definitely the worse day of the month..Having stomach cramp and calf cramp and near heart cramp...

Thankfully it's all recovering now..

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Exam results were out on 30 dec actually, but i was so reluctant to check cause i don't want it to spoil me new year mood, so initially i planned to check only on next week...well...i gave in to peer pressure at last and checked my result just now..

It's so-so i would say, quite happy actually cuz don't have any C..was quite happy also to hear about the results of other people..

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Today is the first day of the year. Is the wind changing already? Haven't smell it yet.

Goodbye 2009..all the good and bad; ups and downs; tears and laughter...You'll be memories in my heart..I need to box you in already. need to make room for better things moving in. It's all over now.

=)