::Children::

Today was an awesome, so i shall blog about an awesome revelation i had yesterday :D

I was reading someone's reflection on mission yesterday, and i was so amazed and touched when i see how God revealed His heart for the little ones to this person. We indeed serve the same mighty God and His plans shall prevail.

Last Sunday, i had the privileged of serving the little ones again. This sounds kinda creepy but there's this one day back in sabah when i was eating breakfast, and i look to the table across us, and the little boys sitting there look so much like 2 of my kids that i almost said their names out loud. LOL.

A brother brought his 2 little brothers to church, heard that they haven't come for a while. So i was very glad to bring them to church, they are amazing boys, and while talking to them, i was thinking at the back of my mind of how awesome it would be if i can win them to Christ. It is such a joy to imagine the endless possibilities of who they will be 20 years down the road if they have Jesus in their hearts.

Jotham also brought a smile to my face as the patience spent in comforting him and encouraging him to join the group paid off in the end :) This little cool kid always hold a special place in my heart, maybe it's the way he always reached out to let me hug him even when he is crying, or maybe it's that small little smile he suddenly has when he does coloring and blows bubbles.

On tuesday, i went to airport to send off the Vietnam STM team, and to my pleasant surprise, the facilitator's daughter who's going along to Vietnam is 2 years old Melia who just transferred to our group. :) She's such joyful kids with lotsa curiosity for the world around her. And i am very glad that the world around her will be guarded by her loving parents.

I have a revelation after i finished reading the mission reflection. It's not something new, but rather a confirmation of what God had placed in my heart since the Ripple Conference. The vision i had 2 years ago regarding missions was brought to mind, and i suddenly realized that the people who represents the lost that had appeared in the visions are all children! I have absolutely no idea why this has never register in my mind before. But i am glad God brings this to my attention now, to assures me once again i am on the right track.

I remember filling in the survey form handed out by a sister from The Navigators, one of the question was if i get to meet God, what would i like to tell Him. I wrote there: Am i on the right track?

That survey form later earned me a file from them, which in turn brought me to the right track, via a sister who shared Christ to me.

Stepping into the final year of Uni, i am glad God's answer is this: Yes.

::Real::

Finally, in the quiet of the night, i have time to blog.

Being back at Sabah hasn't turned out the way i have expected it to be. Some better than i thought, some worse, all in all, it could have been better i guess.

There's many things to give thanks for, like eating nice food, hanging out with friends, shopping, visiting Hope KK, and going fishing with my dad and brother.

But, one thing that i haven't done as well as i would have hoped seems to make the rest look insignificant, and that's my time spent with God.

Going out everyday, slacking at the couch and watching drama have filled my mind with a lot of noises. And the fact that the more i reflect about certain things in my life, the more i can't make sense of it is giving me a headache and makes me want to just go to sleep.

How childish is that.

Oh wells, saying is one thing, but in reality, i can't just "go to sleep" and forget about it. It bugs me every single time something trigger the button in my brain and make me think of it again. And the more i think and pray about it, more things will be revealed and brings out more questions.

Somehow, after one whole day of having fun and "busyness", i would only feel like i'm living and that the day has begun the moment i open my bible. I dunno how to describe this, but, on the days that i didn't open my Pooh Bible, it just feels so....empty...and tiring....

After 34 months of living with Him, i now can't live without Him.

In the midst of everything, i see one thing that is real:

"Fulfilling the Great Commission by raising Christ-centred disciples to plant vibrant, biblical churches in Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia and all over the world."

Just because Hope KK has a small place for worship, doesn't mean that they have a smaller God. Just because other mega churches have humongous buildings doesn't mean that they have a more extravagant God.

He is the same.

Hope KK is so small that the pastor know every single person by name, and greet all the visitors (including me) by name before he began his sermon. It is in this small place, that i hear from God for the first time in my life how BIG He is.

And for the first time in my life, i had praise and worship in 3 different languages consecutively in one session! :)

Ironically, He has graciously allowed my QT to be quite fruitful, despite my unfaithfulness to it. What more can i say except His grace is enough for me?

This is what's real

::Go::

This is an unfinished post that i will continue after my internship ends.

But for some reasons untold, i m just very compelled to type this right now:

If we do not see the need of outreach, if we think that mission is for other people, if we don't feel the compassion for people,

then perhaps,

we don't really know what is salvation,

even our own salvation.

Perhaps the Holy Spirit knows you will be reading this now. So, hope this help, whoever you are.

::Honesty::

I'm blogging from my cubicle right now. Can't believe i actually stayed back until this time. And that i am actually blogging on the only day i stayed back.

Honesty is hard to live out nowadays, i'm not sure whether it's good or not..but i've learnt over the years that people treasure honesty, but not when it's something they do not want to hear.

I've learnt to smile when I disagree with people, instead of saying it out. I've learnt that it's called acceptance and grace, not sure whether it is even right.

Honesty, one thing that I cannot practice most of the time.
Whether at school, or at work, or at home, or on the street, or at church.

Nope I am not feeling emo..I'm just feeling confused, I guess. I'm confused if even this feeling is called confused.

Is it wrong? to speak out loud what everyone knows to be true? to state the fact and ask why is it like that?

I feel tempted to post certain things in my mind right now..but i shall refrain..yet another honesty that perhaps will make people feel uncomfortable..

::Emotions::

have been wanting to blog..but there's a lack of time, and the lack of a suitable one-word title.

it has been an intensive 3 weeks for the new lifegroup that i am currently in, it feels like God 很看得起us, that it seems like He put us right to the training ground with no "chill & relax & do nothing" time in between.

Personally it has been an emotion roller-coaster for the past 3 weeks. Great joy and great sorrow.

And man, it's so tiring to experience both at the same time.

Within the past 3 weeks, we had one new spiritual baby, one death in the family of one of our LG member, LG sleepover, Easter season, ANOTHER new spiritual baby, my uncle having car accident, winning a car-squeezing contest, exam season.

So it's like: happy, sad, happy, sad etc.

Personally for me, it tested what i promised God before about having control over my emotions and to go beyond the call of duty despite my tiredness. Many many times, i am tempted to just call people i know and spill out all my emotions and be comforted, to have people give me a pat at the back or tell me it's alright, then i realized, God is the best comfort and support i can ever have. It is one thing to know that God will comfort us, quite another to really be comforted by Him personally. It just put everything to rest and assurance.

I am glad that i am closer to God through these 3 weeks, and having the faith to know for sure that no matter what happen, God holds us in His hands.

Thank you.

::Hope:

There's this joke that people in my church always made: there's hope in Hope.

it's kinda lame, but, not less true...

Today is a beautiful day. Very blessed by the time at Hope Tots.

Today i manage to made Jotham, the uber cool kid, laugh. Glenda actually remembered my name and ask to sit with me during worship. Joanne actually talk.

Aunty Jane commented that one of the kids, Caleb, is very fluent in speech, and i replied: yup, time to move on already. (ps: once a kid reach the age of 4, he/she will move on to another "SubD")

As i look at my ministry with the children, i realized how similar it is to discipleship in the uni group.

When they are still young, you try to run around catching them, make sure they don't fall, make sure they don't eat the wrong stuff, trying very hard to explain to them why cannot do certain things.

And when one day you see them telling the other kids don't cry, picking up the toys when they fall on the floor, come into the room and know where to put the bag and where to put the shoes, then you'll know, they are ready to move on already. They have already grown up and your job here at this phase of their life is done.

It's kinda a bitter-sweet moment, just hoping that maybe they can stay back at this place a little while more because you've grown to love them so much. Yet, at the same time, you can't wait to let go your hands so that they will really soar and find their own joy in that sky. Even if 10 years down the road, they might not remember you name, it will just make you proud to know that you have been part of that life.

(i sound like a mum :) this is my happy complaint )

Anther small gift form God is the glorious view of sunset i managed to catch just now, it's far better than any romantic scene in korean drama. For the reason that it's from God and He even bothered to gave it to me.

And i met Serene "the church-planter" today, and in her conversation with another sister, i heard the word "Nepal" and my eyes lit up. That's my bucket-list country! Therefore, i shall exercise more (like i did today) so that if i were to go Nepal or Tibet one day, no one can tell me my body is too weak therefore cannot go. Nope, i shall let no doctors and well-meaning people stop me.

The meh meh is gonna be a guitarist, i am quite happy and proud of her, i hope that one day i will see her soar too.

::Story::

One of the things i take away from cg last night- everyone has a special story to tell.

it's true what eng how once told me: everyone is normal until you become their shepherd..oh well, in my case, a caregroup member.

was just musing over this on the bus to hougang just now.

The couple sitting in front me of me, i wonder what's their story..they look about 30-ish, with no rings so might be not married yet.. the lady keep staring at the baby sitting across them while the guy tried to look away or have some small chat with the girlfriend. i wonder if the guy don't like children, why doesn't he like children? commitment? fears? memories from the past? or is it he already has children? (you'll never know). how about the lady, will she feel sad that she don't has a kid yet? does she even want a kid? hmmmm

how about the mum with the daughter, why did she come to the zoo alone with a less than 2 year old toddler? where is the husband? does she even has a husband?

and that couple hugging each other over there. how long have they know each other? do they really love each other? will they marry each other?

and the baby boy who just can't seem to sit still...how will his story be 20 years down the road?

it's really interesting to think of all these, apart from stopping me from falling asleep while standing and knocking over someone, think it's just quite amazing how in 24 hours, every single person on this earth are weaving our own stories...and after the sun set and rise, some continue while others not, yet, still other starts theirs anew....

on the cab back to NTU, had the fortunate experience of getting to know a very interesting uncle...his story is very amazing as well.. at the age of 50 plus, he have had a fairly good life, with amazing story to tell about his life...perhaps after i retire, i can be a cab driver as well..so that i can tell my story to others (hope it's amazing enough, haha)

hope i will meet him again...well, i guess it's another of those amazing things about life, how in that half an hour, together in that tiny space, we share our stories and our life, and when i closed the door behind me, he became just another face in the crowd and we might never meet each other ever again...

Behind every name is a story.

Behind every story is God's unfailing love.