::Timothy::

Dear Yeo,

This is an open letter to you, since you warm my heart by commenting that my blog has been dead for a while.

for those irrelevant people who are reading this, tim yeo is a typical singaporean. He dreams of getting married soon...he loves God but hate bunny.

my blog has been dead for a while.. cuz i m just so lazy to blog..
i m very old school... just love my paper n pen..

and i love talking to people face to face. non-verbal communication do account for 70% of our communication, after all..

my blog might be revived after all...due to my slack schedule..
living life is difficult..i might need to vent it off here once in a while..

so tim, keep reading my blog k during your office hour.

tim is my idol, if he can sing, so can i!
Yeah!

:TwentyOne::

happy birthday cassie..

it's my 21st Birthday..here i am, alone in hall, in the cold computer room with a stranger sitting across the room, typing on a black keyboard that doesn't belong to me.

i had the most peaceful birthday celebration today. An irony, considering most people think that 21st Bday should be one of the biggest day of your life. Well, no alcohol, no fancy party, no loud singing, no cheering, no cake, no candles.

Yet, my heart has never felt this much contentment and peace.

today is a special day, because i have people i love, and people who love me. I have an amazing God, and honestly, that's all i need to be happy.

thank you, for being in my life, for giving me reasons to smile, for giving me courage to stand.

::Past::

this is the fourth day back home..i dug out a lot of old artefacts from the past...

and i realized how much i have forgotten..and how i actually still remember everything so clearly...i realized for all of the things..it's not that i have forgotten bout them...they are simply tucked away nicely somewhere in the corner...actually...the details are still clear on my mind....

the most amusing discovery of the day was the stack of love letters i have received...and the stack that i wrote but never give out....after so many years....

haha..i was so childish...

i was so stubborn...

i was so stupid..

i was so insecure..

i was so full of fantasy...

i was so emotional....

i was so silly...

.......and sometimes, i still am

:)

[beauty of life]

::Baby::

This blog has fallen to the category of "dead blogs" for a while now, various reasons contributed to it.

I m just too lazy n tired n busy.
I believe in face-to-face communication, u don't need to know me through my blog.
Some things that happened lately are just too personal to share here..

But i think the new spiritual baby in my CG deserves this post. who knows, one day she will rummage through this blog and discover this entry that was posted for her while she is still a baby, i believe that will be quite precious. =)

[so hui yi, if you are reading this, i really treasures you, i pray that after a lot of years u will read this again and our love will only grow deeper.]

yup, the newB in my CG is called HuiYi. When she received Christ in the middle of the night while we are still in the camp, my brain honestly cannot register at all, frankly i was quite faithless, and when i received the news, i was really unbelievable.

i just came back form follow-up, till now it still feels surreal.

i can only say, this is really a treasure from God that drops from the sky. Me and yanyu was just looking at eaach other all the time before and after the follow-up and keep shaking our head, "this is REALLY NOT us"..lol, i think everyone in the group identify with this, like, we are super cui and discouraged and everything, and at the end of the day, we just continue to pray and pray and pray and gave our best even if our brains were dead most of the time.

Now, we are just giving thanks to God, He moves in ways that we totally didn't expected, i know this is so that we will not rely on ourselves, and to know He is The LORD our God.

By faith, our group will multiply by the end of this year =)

::choice::

The Choice
by Max Lucado

He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless on the ground.

All of the Garden's inhabitants paused to witness the event.
Hawks hovered. Giraffes stretched. Trees bowed. Butterflies paused on petals and watched.
"You will love me, nature," God said. "I made you that way. You will obey me, universe. For you were designed to do so. You will reflect my glory, skies, for that is how you were created. But this one will be like me. This one will be able to choose."

All were silent as the Creator reached into himself and removed something yet unseen. A seed. "It's called 'choice.' The seed of choice."
Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.

An angel spoke, "But what if he ... "
"What if he chooses not to love?" the Creator finished.
"Come, I will show you."
Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow.

"There, see the fruit of the seed of choice, both the sweet and the bitter."

The angel gasped at what he saw.
Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion. Chosen tenderness.
Never had he seen anything like these.
He felt the love of the Adams.
He heard the joy of Eve and her daughters.
He saw the food and the burdens shared.
He absorbed the kindness and marveled at the warmth.

"Heaven has never seen such beauty, my Lord. Truly, this is your greatest creation."
"Ah, but you've only seen the sweet. Now witness the bitter."

A stench enveloped the pair.
The angel turned in horror and proclaimed, "What is it?"
The Creator spoke only one word: "Selfishness."

The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance.
Never had he seen such filth.
Rotten hearts. Ruptured promises. Forgotten loyalties. Children of the creation wandering blindly in lonely labyrinths.

"This is the result of choice?" the angel asked.
"Yes."
"They will forget you?"
"Yes."
"They will reject you?"
"Yes."
"They will never come back?"
"Some will. Most won't."
"What will it take to make them listen?"

The Creator walked on in time, further and further into the future, until he stood by a tree.

A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that would surround him.
With another step into the future, he paused before another tree.

It stood alone, a stubborn ruler of a bald hill.
The trunk was thick, and the wood was strong.
Soon it would be cut.
Soon it would be trimmed.
Soon it would be mounted on the stony brow of another hill.
And soon he would be hung on it.

He felt the wood rub against a back he did not yet wear.

"Will you go down there?" the angel asked.
"I will."
"Is there no other way?"
"There is not."
"Wouldn't it be easier to not plant the seed? Wouldn't it be easier to not give the choice?"
"It would," the Creator spoke slowly.

"But to remove the choice is to remove the love."
He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene.
Three figures hung on three crosses.
Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.

Men clad in soldiers' garb sat on the ground near the trio. They played games in the dirt and laughed.

Men clad in religion stood off to one side. They smiled. Arrogant, cocky. They had protected God, they thought, by killing this false one.

Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill. Speechless. Faces tear streaked. Eyes downward. One put her arm around another and tried to lead her away. She wouldn't leave. "I will stay," she said softly. "I will stay."

All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect.
But the Creator gave no command."It must be done ... ," he said, and withdrew.
But as he stepped back in time, he heard the cry that he would someday scream: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34) He wrenched at tomorrow's agony.

The angel spoke again. "It would be less painful ... "
The Creator interrupted softly. "But it wouldn't be love."

They stepped into the Garden again.
The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation.

A monsoon of love swelled up within him.
He had died for the creation before he had made him.
God's form bent over the sculptured face and breathed.
Dust stirred on the lips of the new one.
The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved. And an eye opened.

But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit.
Those who could see the unseen gasped.

Perhaps it was the wind who said it first.
Perhaps what the star saw that moment is what has made it blink ever since.
Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:"It looks like ... it appears so much like ... it is him!"

The angel wasn't speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside—at the soul.

"It's eternal!" gasped another.

Within the man, God had placed a divine seed.

A seed of his self.

The God of might had created earth's mightiest.
The Creator had created, not a creature, but another creator.
And the One who had chosen to love had created one who could love in return.
Now it's our choice.


From In the Eye of the Storm
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1997) Max Lucado

::Judge::

In communication school, we learn that every single person on the earth is bias.
Today, i learn that cassie eva seow is self-righteous.

i never thought of myself as self-righteous, seriously!
proud, yes..sarcastic, yes...skeptical, yes...
But today I am humbled to see myself in the mirror as the self-righteous person i really am.

i was going to maybank, and when i reach the ATM machine there was a long queue of bangladeshi-looking guys...i walked away telling myself that i will come back later when the queue is shorter.

But when i got back after a stroll in the pet shop, the queue got longer, so i decided to wait.
Then i told myself that i am really bored standing there, so i shall read the philosophy book i borrowed from the library to kill time.

Then it dawn on me.
Actually...
The truth is...
I don't want to queue there..
I don't want to stand near them..
I don't want to be associated with them..
I want to appear more sophisticated than them...
I want to avoid interaction with them..

well of course social scientist can tell you all about the theories involved..how we tend to create different social distance to associate ourselves with people that we like and are similar to us...

But..
I see the truth about myself...

how can i claim to love the world and want to be a missionary if my compassion and mercy and non-judgmental "eye" has an on-off button?

love should not be an emotion we indulged in only with people we prefer.
love should not be a charity work we engaged in only after we see disaster happen to others.

i wonder what would Jesus do?

He probably will have a nice chat with the guy next to me about his girlfriends, and by the time He reach the ATM machine, He would already have shown heavens to that whole line of people.

He probably will be one of the man lining up there with passerby looking at Him and thinking "get out of my sophisticated country".....

these people don't exist in a far away land where i will one day go and change their life.[as ignorant as i am.]
it's here and now...and how easily have i missed the point that Jesus mentioned:
"whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me." [matt25:45]

and when i was queuing up at 179 bus stop, again i see how much more comfortable i am standing there..i almost feel proud standing there actually...it shows that i am a university student reading a hard-to-understand book. [seriously, i don't actually get what i am reading.]

i learn a precious lesson today.
may it be remembered and not forgotten as i walked away from the mirror.

::Dinner::

[pardon my not so organized thoughts, weird sentence structure and grammar mistakes.]

I had dinner with yang chao just now, ended up we talked for 2 and a half hour~

Our topic flied from school to holidays to new year to seasons to society to discrimination to identity to escapism to collectivism to individualistic to childhood to love to happiness to purpose of life to books to literature....etc.... It was nice to chat on and on..we finally went to our own room when they closed the lights of the canteen.

There's 2 things that i remember the most from our conversation:

He told me that he just learned this new concept of escapism, and how zai nan zai nv in China feel that they are happier that way..so why not we let people be if they can be happier that way? isn't it better? Something just struck me, how the pattern of this world is evolving to suit the Kingdom of Darkness better. It's also the same thing that struck me while in my lecture just now.

We live in a digitalized world, yes, technology has benefited us in a huge way, but slowly, the ugliness of internet has shown its true color. Despite the advancing of technology, we are actually still in an age that doesn't differ much to the era before industrial revolution where knowledge means power, and the more power we had, the more knowledge we want in order to secure the existing power we had and to gain more and more. Everything is an ugly cycle that is repeating itself, disguising under different names, whether The Church or The Internet, the end goal? Selfishness.

But what's different now is that this ugly cycle has up it's level, it no longer compete with the Kingdom of Light using human only, now it involves inventions of human- non-living things to advance its purpose. The Mighty Internet, eliminated limitation in Speed, Space, Storage [amount of info we are able to hold in our hands]...ultimately, it's gonna eliminate community.

The more speed we have now, the faster even we want things to be done, and this is what the Devil's gonna offer to us- the shortcut; the easy way out; why wait?..

It will be a sad day when we replace our loved ones with a screen or a webcam [wait, is it what we are doing now already?]. The easy way out will promise us names on facebook wall that will not break our hearts, we do not need to talk to a person, we do not need to look at their annoying attitudes, but yes, we can still be friends...at what cost?...We will be just taking all the good things while ignoring the hard part of a relationship that actually will bring us the greater reward.

This questions will keep seducing us with its promise of instant reward and happiness, it will knock on our door and ask us: this is not something bad right?

But you know, life is about taking that risk, the risk of getting heart broken and misunderstood, because with it comes greater reward: the life to the fullest that can only be lived out in a true community, not just a community where everyone is happy and just the way "I want them to be"...A community with emotions; with ups and downs; with shoulders for support and hugs for comfort...real human life..not an imaginary life most of us now live with our friends in the form of a facebook photo.

There's this term in Christianity called "excommunicate", it's basically to kick an unrepentant believer out of the fellowship of the church, my prof said something interesting about this, he said that we are basically "excommunicating" ourselves with the use of internet, it's so true! by expressing our emotions through facebook n blogging instead of talking it through with people, we are really excommunicating ourselves from people who love us, at the same time we are excommunicating them from our lives as well.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying the internet is the ultimate evil that we need to defeat, i'm blogging now aren't I?..what I'm saying is that have we reach a point whereby we do not even be our true self anymore in reality? Do we only dare to express ourselves when we don't need to see people face to face? Do we tuck ourselves away in the comfort zone of internet where we can choose who to be our friends in virtual reality because it's easier than handling the emotions you faced with your parents or friends?

You see, the internet comes to our rescue, promises to save us from the heartbreaks we face from people, giving us the easy way out..and it is very hardworking in making sure that the easy way of the World will be more and more easier- to lure us unto that path.

Looking at the Aurora is awesome, but if in our lifetime we're just gonna be satisfied at looking at a photo without taking the risk to actually go there ourselves, the experience of seeing an Aurora in it's fullest glory will never be ours, and all we can do is imagine in the comfort of our own home how it must be like to stand underneath there, even if for just 5 minutes.

Ultimately, the life to the fullest is freely given to people who not only believe, but also dare to take the risk to really trust and to act upon that trust despite circumstances. Aurora is always there, but it's up to us to take the risk to go and claim it.

Another point that we discussed is on the topic of romantic relationship, he was telling me how romance and love is produced by hormones, it will die down after 3 years. So what should people do after that? Divorce is not good right? then should use law to bind people together? should we emphasis on loyalty instead of love? and there's this drama where the character leave each other to have a break in the relationship and decide that if after 3 years they still love each other then it would be true love and they should be together.

I told him that I belief the concept of what love is is different for everyone, and surely distorted by many, but i truly belief that there is an underlying value of what love is that will be agreed universally, because when God made us, He did so with Love, so surely it is there, perhaps it's just too deep for us to comprehend it completely, but at the same time the universal cry and longing for it is so deep that people can't stand any moment waiting to figure out what it is, that's why we chose to take matters into own hands and take the easy way instead.

As for the hormones of love that dies after 3 years, i told him i belief that love is more than hormones. People tends to glorify the romantic relationship shared by two partners in love, but I belief that it is the same kind of love that parents have for their children as well.

If the excitement and joy a mother first found out that she's pregnant is parallel to the first date, then the pregnancy will be parallel to the dating process, so after 3 years..the child starts to be very naughty, break everything in the house, is a mother who loves her child gonna abandon the child? Likely no right? So what gave us the right to tell our husband or wife that we are sick and tired of them already, that they are not good enough for us anymore?

A first time mum who don't know how to take care of her naughty kid is not gonna "divorce" him just because of it if she loves him, she's gonna do everything she can to love her child, she's gonna learn new things to teach her child, she's gonna protect her child even if others scolded her child to be naughty and she knew it to be true, she's gonna nurture her child and give him the best that she can provide.

A lot of times we forgot that this love should be the same that we hold in other relationships. Instead of searching for the easiest way, it should be protected and nurtured. What is her "secret" to loving her child despite everything? She see herself in the child, she knows by all her heart that first and foremost he is hers, this simple fact is more important than him being naughty.

A mother will lay down her life for the child. When we proclaim we love someone, are we ready to protect and nurture? are we ready to see them as our own loved ones?

Are we ready to lay down our life?

One day a long long time ago, a father choose to take a path that many other questions to protect and love his children, he spent many years in disguise trying to approach his children, no matter how naughty and how many times they doubted him. One day, he laid down his life for his children, many other questions this decision also, but the father wouldn't have it any other way, because he loves his children, even if they were naughty.

That, is my Father. He has loved me for more than 3 years, it has been 21 years in fact.
And I can't wait for many more years together with Him.