On A Journey

I recently just got a new job, yeah!╰(*´︶`*)╯ But what I am truly thankful for is not the gift, but the Giver. I received so much more than just a job. This is gonna be a long post because I want to document the journey and the baby steps involved in it, and also I do not want to discredit God for all that He has done for me. You have been warned 乁( ˙ω˙ )厂

In my previous post, I shared about how God brought me through depression and addiction. Right after that, I arrived at a moment where I am challenged again.

I remembered hearing from God that He will bring down the walls in my life a few months ago, like in Joshua 6 when He brought down the wall of Jericho and delivered them into the land victoriously.

But you see, in Joshua 7, right after this great miracle, they have to go to war again, and the situation quickly turned against them.

Bringing down the wall, though great, is not the end goal, the battle continues, the journey goes on.

Do not settle

Before getting my new job, I received a few other offers. They are decent enough (and hey,why should someone unemployed be so choosy anyway? right?) But, to be completely honeat, they are not what I like and the pay is lower than my expectation. I was getting stressed out and anxious, and in fear.

"what if this is already the best offer I will receive? what if I missed out and do not get another offer?" what if what if what if.

"who are you to say that you don't like this job? who are you to say that you can afford another week being unemployed?" who are you who are you who are you

I got too caught up in that moment, and realized that these thought patterns were damaging and need to be surrendered to God.

So this is the first thing I learned, do not lower your standard. Do not accept what life throws at you with no peace in your heart, because this life is passing. Financial difficulties or not, I am here on a journey heaven-ward. Not just surviving the concrete jungle.

Compromise on the small things, soon you'll compromise on the big things as well. (though to be fair, career choice might be the biggest choice for some)

So that's when I resolved I cannot take up this job that I know I have no peace in my heart to accept, I should have the confidence that my God will provide.

My new job is not only something I liked, but it's with a company I liked, and with higher pay as well.

His perfect way

After receiving the few initial job offers, I was praying that I really need a clear word from Him on whether I should accept the offers or not.
I saw a vision as I remembered Psalm 121, I saw Jesus standing on top of a mountain as I stood trapped inside a maze. He has the higher vantage point of view and already knew which way would be the best way for me to navigate through this maze, all I need to do is listen and trust.

And so I did.

(It is funny,but this song was on replay through my mind the whole time. haha. A children worship song! crazy right? oh,this was also the only worship song I remembered as a non-believer back then.)

Childlike faith

During one Sunday service, Jesus brought to memory how I first believed that Jesus is real. How as an 18 years old non-believer, I trusted that if Jesus is real, surely I will get into this school I wanted. Now as a 27 years old, my thinking becomes more complicated, and my list of consideration becomes longer.

This is my chance, where I can choose to have that bold childlike faith again, and trust that God will give to me this specific job I really like.

And I did. Without receiving any confirmation for the job I wanted, I turned down a few offers, declined multiple interviews- telling them that I will not be continuing with the interview process.

It's hard, every single phone call I made and every single email I sent is as much a testing as it is a strengthening of my faith.

Stop trying too hard

Among the many offers is an offer to be class teacher in a kindergarten. The place was great, and the lady running the place is great as well.

Children holds a very special place in my heart ever since I started serving in children ministry years ago. But I have always feel under qualified to do more for children, as I never received professional training.

This job really looked like it will help me in this aspect, plus, to be brutally honest with you, being a kindergarten teacher sounds like a more kind and loving person than a social media executive. haha

In that same Sunday service, the preacher shared a point about being unqualified. How when God appoints, He annoints. And it just made me realized that I was impatient waiting for God and was making up plans without Him, and was really just trying to make myself feel qualified.

God alone qualifies the call.

His perfect timing

I was actually researching about this company where my new job is at for an article I am writing, I came across the career section and sent in my resume randomly. After that, I was talking to someone and found that she had worked that years ago and she told me stories about the company and how the yhave a great culture there. Needless to say, I have a good impression of them after that.

I was happy when they contacted me, and I went for the interview, and was asked to go back for a second interview on the same day! (surely this is a sign that they liked me right?haha)

It was at this point that I received the other offers, and after turning down all of them. I now am left hanging around while waiting for a yes or no.

After this, the person's house where I have been staying over at, she injured her back. And because I did not take the previous offers, I was free and was able to help them take care of someone at the house while they go to work in the morning.

Tuesday morning, I received a call from the company and they said I have been offered the position! and after that, she managed to find someone who will be able to help out in the morning while they are at work.

Maybe it doesn't sound impressive, but to me it is crazy how perfect His timing is!

Now the journey goes on as I go house hunting for a place closer to work! ٩(๑^o^๑)۶

Testimony on my journey with depression and addiction

  There has been a campaign for the awareness of mental health recently. I read some articles about the statistic of depression and other mental health issues in Malaysia and the workforce in general. I find it surprising to know how many people is actually battling with this daily while trying to look ok on the outside, even though I myself struggled with it for a period of time.

  I came across a post on Facebook that reminded me of my own journey, and how much I shun away from talking about it.

  About a year or two ago, when everything seems to be working out great for me, I was suddenly struck with depression. At that time, I was doing so fine on the outside, my career was going strong, I was serving in church, and I hang out with friends. Till this day I cannot pinpoint what exactly went wrong. Perhaps it was the combination of work stress, self-doubt, and everything in between. 

  I simply lost the motivation for everything in life, I do not feel like stepping out from my room in the morning, and cannot fall asleep at night. I stopped responding to all channels of communication- phone calls, emails, text messages. Everything. It was also at this point that I become addicted to things, both "bad things" and "good things". 

  This could be another story about how I am a strong person and I manage to work it through and I am perfect again now. But it is not, I am not that strong person those articles wrote about, I am just a simple person with many flaws. 

 Instead, this is a story of Grace and Faithfulness. The verse that pulled me through that 2 years was this: 

If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown himself (2 Timothy 2:13)

  One Sunday morning, I was dragged to church by Valerene (whom house I was staying at that point of time, more on that later), I was so reluctant to talk to anyone there. But God met me there, I saw a vision of a safety net, and He told me that He will be my safety net, that no matter how far I fall, or how hard it is, He is always there to catch me. He is faithful even when I am faithless.

  I went back to my hometown in Sabah shortly after that. Being the only Christian in the household, there was no longer anyone who asked me how was my walk with God or drag me to church on Sundays. But even at these time, His love covers me. I slowly began picking up calls and responds to messages. Again, I cannot pinpoint what went right this time, but I believe prayers both by myself and the community plays a part, apart from the relentless Jesus that refuses to let me go.

  As mentioned, the community plays a large role in my journey as well. My gratitude especially for Valerene and Paul, who knocked on my door and took me in like their own when I was closing myself away. 

  This year, I came back to Kuala Lumpur with a new job, and a new hope to make things right this time. So I told everyone who asked that I am ok now, at least, that was my genuine feelings until God prove me otherwise. In the month leading up to church conference, I have this sense that God wants to do something with my life and bring me to a whole new ground after the conference. I saw a vision of Jesus covering me in cloth of white, a declaration that there is no shame in Christ. 

  I had no idea what was coming my way!

  I was fired from my job just the week before the conference. Suddenly I was lost and with financial problem. Depression tries to creep in on me again the very first day. Thoughts like: "Ok don't tell anyone, just figure this out." or "No I cannot go back to Sabah again this time, or else I am a loser. What would people and relatives say?" But no, this time, depression will not win. Not because suddenly I am a strong person, but because I have a consistent relationship with Jesus. I realized it really is all these small moments that I spent with the Lord that counts. I was able to identify these patterns of thoughts and make the decision to respond differently. 

   Admitting to people that I was fired and in need of help is a very humbling experience. It is admitting internally that I can stop pretending to be who I wasn't, and externally that thing happens, but my God is bigger. 

  But God was not done with me. During the conference, God brought to light my addiction issue, the thing is, I have been trying so hard on my own to try to handle this issue. I come up with plans on how to handle them, and these plans seem to work only for a short period of time, and then I go back to my old patterns. The issue of addiction was what I buried myself with for the past 2 years when I had depression, and even after that. 

  It destroys my relationship with friends, family, and Jesus. Instead of spending time with them, I spent time wasting away. I had a big fight with my dad and was avoiding him for very long, and one of my best friends no longer talked to me. Even when people saw my issue and tried to address it, I refused to acknowledge it was causing problems and refused to talk about it to people or seek help. Everything was just in the dark and kept quiet.

  During the conference, God simply told me that it's time to cut all these off, completely. And just like that, this burden was lifted, there was no 10-steps plan that God needed, just His presence was so overwhelming that I can only obey. Just the past few days, I was hanging out with a friend, and for the first time is able to share with someone this struggle that I had and how God brought me through it.

  God spoke to me that He is reinstating me back into my ministry and calling. Like Simon Peter in John 21, I found myself living life the old way (get a job, work, try to be good, and die eventually) because I thought my calling can never be achieved now that I have wasted away so much time, and become unworthy to be used. He asked: Do you love me? That was all He needed.

  It was not just a simple matter of Jesus wants me to be devoted, it was His grace so abound it caught me off guard. There was no talk about what I did wrong and questions of if I am "fit" for ministry again, and there was no talk about how much He has done for me. He only wanted me.

  There is also a revelation that I was attacked so much in the area of relationship precisely because He will use this area to glorify His name. He will restore relationships that have been broken, and He will bring to life the fulfillment of the purpose He gave for my life- which is reaching the children who are lost and in pain.

  This week, I attended many interviews, which is crazy because I only applied for jobs the week before the conference, and right during and after the conference I have been receiving emails and calls to interviews. Nothing seems promising so far but I want to give thanks that He has blessed me with these interviews.

  Even in the midst of all the blessings, and the community that supports and prays for me.  I find myself having to battle thoughts of depression frequently. At times it is frustrating because the company that called me is a scammy MLM company and I wasted money and time to travel there, or when the manager did not look that convinced that they will hire me. But what changes now is that I am able to identify and take captive of these thoughts, and surrender them to Christ. 

Jesus loves me. So much.

::Kingdom::

It has been a while since I updated this blog, and it has also been a long while since I attended a church regularly. Recently I start attending a church called Kingdom City. And it is the most-right(?) (最对的) decision I have made in a while.

It was a long story, and it could be short as well, in short, God lead me. Every single step of the way, He was there.

I guess it started with Val, my awesome (ex-)colleague who invited me to visit her church for a few times since she joined the company. I had so many excuses on why I couldn't go to church, and they were all legit, but inside of me, I knew they were all just excuses that could be easily overcome, I was just unwilling to take the extra step.

After visiting Singapore over a short weekend, I knew I couldn't live with that excuses anymore. During the worship service at Hope, God is simply asking me: isn't this what you want for your life Cassie?

And I couldn't say no to that.

So after coming back from Singapore, I approached Val and said that I want to visit her church that weekend. And you know what, she was about to leave the company already the period of time I asked her. Waoh! It could have easily been another story of "I should have" or "too bad", but God guided me just at the right timing, I think He knew that I needed this and He didn't want me to miss out on where He wants me to be.

During my first time there, I felt totally lost, I was a complete stranger, the message that week wasn't anything charismatic, it was about serving and encouraging people to volunteer in ministries. This is the first time that I go to a church and feel so foreign, now I kinda know how new people feels haha.

But you know what? Right from the beginning, I knew that this is the place where I should be.

During worship, I had so many questions: is this the church I should settle at? should I try to connect to the local Hope at KL? should I visit some other "famous" churches? How can I tell if I should settle at this church? And during worship, I was just so embraced by the Spirit of God at that place that I know that is the answer. There might still be many things I do not know about this church, the way they do things and some of their views might be different, but that all fade to the background the moment I knew that God is with this church.

And so on the same weekend, after spending only 2 hours there, barely knowing anyone, I went and signed-up for the Kids Ministry (it was the Serving week, remember?). Haha.  I went to their ministry training last Saturday, and God told me that this will be a season of circumcision. The season of circumcision before marching into Jericho. ( I am pretty sure you can't sense my excitement from across the screen, but I really am very excited on what God is going to do in the coming year.)

As I am typing this, I just came back from a church event called "This is Kingdom City", which basically introduces the church to new comers. It was such a great blessing to be there tonight. First of all, my company used to have a regular weekly meeting on Tuesday nights, so when I first knew about this event, I was not sure if I wanted to go, and after I decided to go, I was thinking that I can just sneaked out before the meeting start (which is kinda a bad testimony by the way). But just last week, my boss announced that from THIS week onward, we will be having the weekly meeting on Monday morning instead! How cool is that, just in time for this week's event ( and tonight I also found out that their Bible study classes are on Tuesday night. Waoh!)

During the event, a video was shown. Towards the end, photos of the 3 cities Kingdom City is currently in flashes across the screen. That split second, something hit me so hard that  I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down. God spoke to me: This is my city, these are my people.

So simple, yet more powerful that I have ever imagined it to be. How many times have I failed to see that myself? That Phnom Penh belongs to Jesus, that Kuala Lumpur belongs to Jesus, that Perth belongs to Jesus. Indeed, Kingdom City.

This has been such a humbling 3 weeks for me. In a new place where no one knows who I am, people enfold me as they would a new believer. Explaining to me why going to Connect Group is so important, and me not having the attitude of "yeah yeah, been there, done that". Taking the initiative to help clean up the venue even though I know no one around me, silently picking up the garbage and not expecting a thanks (at most weird glances cuz they have no idea who is this girl who pops out from no where haha). I am learning again how to be a servant of all.

::Personal::

  So you might know that I have started a new blog in the hope of becoming a professional blogger. I think it's a really fun thing to try out, and I have been experimenting with the different types of post to put onto the blog. Make-up post has the most view so far.

  Then I start to realize how much of my personal life that I have shared with unknown people in the internet over the past few years in this blog. Granted, it's not a high-traffic blog, but still, it feels that I have shared a big part of my life with whoever read this. Just want to say thank you, for being part of the journey. It gets crazy at times. 

  Wrote a very personal entrance over at my new blog today. Far more personal than anything I have ever posted here, in fact. It feels intimidating, to let unknown faces share that part of my personal self. But still, let's see where that will take me then...

  And the journey continues. 

::Dream::

我做梦了，
梦里，下雨了。

雨水，洗净了，
失望，悲哀，辛酸，愤怒，
爱情，希望，快乐，原谅。

雨水，带走了，
过去的，
他的，
你的。

我看着雨，
想着：一切都会好的。

细细的雨滴，
我以为会这样永远下下去。

但，雨终究还是停了。

雨后，
我会好的。

::Idol::

I just read this message that a fan from China wrote.

Ok, some parts of it seems pretty dramatic and exaggerated, but there's really people who live like that. Though I can't agree with how much dependency there is on the idol or bands people worship, yet the hard work these people have for their work is undeniable.

It reminds me of SJ, of how much they cared for their fans, how they treat us like real friends. The car accident of Heechul and Kyuhyun. The passing away of Donghae's father. The drunk incident of Kangin....and so much more.

Haha i then read her blog and guess what?
She is indeed talking about SJ! keke ELF thinks alike i guess ;p

My life and love don't depend on them;
but their life and love warms me.

-------------------------------------------------------------

When you are feeling too tired, you must remember your idol.

That is, the idol whom you were once so crazily in love with.
That is, the idol whom you used to memorize their facts faster than memorizing new vocab.
That is, the idol whom you used to write about, about how much you love them on your blog.
That is, the idol that you are able to type his/her name on the keyboard even with your eyes closed.

You must be thankful, but at the same time clearheaded.
When someone forcefully asks you, what on earth made them worthy of you wasting your youth on them,
you must tell him.
I only gave my most beautiful memory to them, but they gave up more precious stuff than me during that period of youth.

When you are on the field under the hot sun for physical training,
you need to remember, your idol once perspired profusely in the practice room for you.
When you are sitting in class, with absolutely no interest in the textbook,
you need to remember, your idol once, for the rehearsal, hurt his/her vocal cords.
When you are sprawling on your bed, complaining about how tough your day was,
you need to remember, your idol had to perform on stage for you despite running a high fever, or sitting in a wheelchair.

He is your idol.
We might not be on the same land breathing the same air, but we can feel each other.
Since he did it, why can't you?
when you can't hold on, you must remember your idol?

Running on the track, your ears filled with hot air and unbearable panting.
Your friend is at the end point shouting the name of your idol, you must grit your teeth, and you must dash over.
He is your destination, he is your strength.

Your secret crush has someone else in mind, and your shy love letter hasn't even been handed over.
You lock yourself up in your own room, looking at the posters of him who is still the same, choking up on your tears.
Never mind, I still have you, you.

This world, perhaps exist betrayal, escapism, depression and all sorts of unhappiness.
As long as you open Twitter every day, and start browsing through his updates.
You chuckle; sitting in front of the computer. Remember, that is the real you.

Your idol 
might have undergone all sorts of incidents, or maybe an accident, even the doctors said there is no hope.
Some of the members might have done something wrong, even some fans said they will not love them anymore.

Maybe time has diminished some of his popularity; even those who don't really follow him say he is not popular anymore.
Maybe his company never thought of putting in efforts in their promotions, with no intentions of further plans.
At that time, at that moment, how did he survive?

Although fans had committed mistakes, idols, too. He has his own shortcomings, problems, or even has many people looking down on him.
Although he is not perfect, but you have to be thankful.

When you have your own love, you must remember your idol.
After entering adulthood, you finally have your own life.
He, too, might already have his own. Be it happy, be it blissful.

That past years of missing lessons to watch his concert,
that past years of squeezing in front to buy tickets,
that past years of pasting posters all over the wall,
that past years of scribbling his name all over the textbooks.

You might have been crazy before, 
but when you recall those years, you need to be proud, because that is one of a kind, something others don't have.

You protect him, forsaking your own limelight.
You devote your love towards him, no longer thinking about other guys, but also at the same time developing rationality and your own perception towards life.
Looking at him, from being a teen to adult, with stubby moustache growing out of his cheeks, with wrinkles on his face when he smiles.
That is the traces of your love, which has undergone the vicissitudes of life, so thunderous.

So what if you are old, you need to be proud, because you experienced the purifying of time.
He stood for you, for you.
When he announces that he found his other half.
You cried, you teared. Because he has reached the shore, you are finally at ease and assured.
The position where you once dreamed of being at, someone has stood there in your place, for you.

So many years, you watched him fall and stand up on his own.
You finally feel relieved, that he has shoulders to lean upon.
Just that there is a little, just a little tinge of regret. Why, the one giving him happiness is not your own self.

You have to remember your idol.
Those years, the person who has been giving you your happiness, rage, sorrow and joy..The one controlling your mind.
Even if he no longer appears on the screens of your TV, your hand phone screen still, is filled with memories.
Even if his name no longer appears on the fashion magazines, your diary still, is filled with doodles and love.

Seeing how he shines on stage, dancing,
standing under the spotlight, talking to us and smiling with a microphone,
the way he stands on the steps, crying when he heard the fans singing along,
the way he receives the award and look at the cheering crowd,
and the first time, seeing him and forgetting about time.
No matter where time goes, in your heart, he is always, like that.

You must remember your idol.
You once boasted about his good, despite receiving disagreeing looks on the faces of the people around you.
Your blog is full of his news,
just to let people who understand you, know how blissful it is to like him.

You once quarreled with others because of him.
You don't cry when people scold you, throw things at you, but your eyes turn red when someone is just badmouthing them.
On what basis, you ask, since they don't understand him, how dare they think they have the rights to criticize them.
He is your life.
You hid under your blankets, crying, because of him. Having wild thoughts in the middle of the night, 
how has he been, how was his injuries, what did he meant when he said that.
Tired, after a short nap you wake up and continue to love him.
You are not afraid of anything, so long as he is there.

Some people in this world might be physically close to you, but can never understand why you like him.
You must tell them, the word "fortitude" is not something that can be taught by anyone.
And he gave you this precious thing.

So, you must remember your idol.

Dear, since now we are still young.
You have to work hard, to become someone worthy of him,
to be able to meet him someday, and stand next to him deservingly.
You must, must tell him personally.
You must tell him that you are thankful that you didn't miss him, in the midst of billion of people.
Thank him for his companionship for the past few years, whether be it crying or laughing.
You must, deeply, with that choked up voice of yours, carefully, shout his name.
-- I used to; love you, that, that, that much.

[Even if time has passed, don't worry, the white-haired me will remember the black-haired you, while loving the white-haired you.]

[TRANS] Message from a Chinese fan. 

by:蓝爵Yoyo

在你感到太累的时候，你一定要记得你的偶像。

那是你曾经疯狂迷恋过的偶像。
那是你背他们的事比背英语单词还要迅速的偶像。
那是你在博客上记载着满满爱慕的偶像。
那是你闭着眼睛都能在键盘上敲出名字的偶像。

你要感谢，同时也要清醒。
当有人咄咄逼问你，究竟他们为什么值得你浪费年华去喜欢的时候，
你一定要告诉他。
我只把最美的记忆给了他们，他们却付出了比我更多更宝贵的那段青春。

当你在操场上顶着烈日军训，
你要记得，你的偶像曾在练习室里为了你挥汗如雨。
当你坐在教室里对着课本索然无味，
你要记得，你的偶像为了彩排 声带吐血却一擦而过。
当你趴在床上回味一天的辛苦而抱怨连天，
你要记得，你的偶像在发高烧得病痛的时候 坐着轮椅也要上台为你唱歌。

他是你的偶像。
我们或许不是在同一土地呼吸，但我们却能感受到彼此。
那么他做到了，为什么你不可以。

当你坚持不了的时候，你一定要记得你的偶像。

你跑在焦灼的塑胶跑道上，耳边都是呼呼的热风和你忍受不住的喘气。
你的朋友在终点喊你偶像的名字，你一定要咬牙，一定要冲去。
他就是你的终点，他就是你的力量。

暗恋的男生有了喜欢的人，而你羞涩的情书还未递去。
你把自己锁在房间里，望着海报上始终如一的他，呜呜的哽咽、嚎啕。
没关系，我还有你，有你。

这个世界，或许有背叛，有逃避，有失落和各种不如意。
你只要每天打开微博，浏览他的消息，闯入他的生命里短暂的休憩。
你坐在电脑前被他逗笑，记住那才是真的你。

你的偶像，
或许发生过各种各样的事故或许有一场车祸，连医生都摇摇头说没希望了。
或许有成员的犯错，连有些饭都说不想爱了。

或许时间打磨了他的人气，连不了解他的人都说他不再火了。
或许他的公司从一开始就没想过精心打造，摆摆手说过了2005你们就解散吧。
那个时候，在那个时候他是怎么挺过来的。

虽然粉丝犯过错、偶像犯过错，他有缺点、有毛病，甚至让很多人瞧不起。
虽然他不完美，但是你要感谢，谢谢，谢谢我爱你。

在你有了属于自己的爱时，你一定要记得你的偶像。
经年后，你终于有了自己的人生。
他或许也早已拥有。或幸福，或温馨。

那个逃课去看他演唱会的岁月，
那个挤在前面买票占位认识基友的岁月，
那个满房间都充斥着他的海报和卡片的岁月，
那个在作业本上墙上黑板上课桌上涂满他名字的岁月。

你或许疯狂过，或许年少轻狂。
但你想起那段岁月时要骄傲，因为那是独一无二、任何人都没有的斑斓。

你守着他，收敛起自己的光芒。
你专爱着他，不再花痴肤浅，也有了理性和属于自己对人生的感悟。
你看着他，从年少一路到中年，脸颊旁有了胡渣，笑起来眼角也漾起了皱纹。
那是你爱情的痕迹，经历了沧桑与风雨。

年龄大了怎么了，你要骄傲，因为经历了岁月洗礼，
他还为了你站在那里。他为了你。
在他宣布他有了属于自己的另一半。
你哭了，热泪盈眶。因为他到达了彼岸，你终于放心了。
你曾经幻想的位置，终于有人替你站在那里。

这么多年，你看着他跌倒了自己咬着牙站起。
你终于安心，他有了搀扶的臂膀。
只是些许的，些许的遗憾。为什么，给你幸福的，不是我自己。

你一定要记得你的偶像。
那些年，支配你的喜怒哀乐，控制你脑海的那个人。
就算电视屏幕前没了他的身影，手机屏幕却满载着回忆。
就算时尚杂志上不再登他的名字，你的日记本里还锁满涂鸦和爱意。

看到他在舞台唱歌跳舞抛媚眼的样子，
他站在灯光下将话筒对准我们微笑的样子，
他坐在台阶处静静听着大合唱落泪的样子，
他登上颁奖台上仰望众生接受欢呼的样子，
还有第一次，看见他便惊艳了时光的样子。
不论时光跑到哪里，在你的心里，他永远，都是那个样子。




你一定要记得你的偶像。
你炫耀过他的好，即使接受到周围人不屑的目光。
你的博客里满档着他的消息，
只是想让了解你的人知道，喜欢他是件多么幸福的事情。

你曾为了他给别人吵过架。
别人骂你你没哭，摔你东西你没哭，只是在怒斥他时你却红了眼眶。
凭什么，既然不了解他，干嘛以为自己有资格去对他指手画脚。
他是你的命啊。
你为了他躲到被窝里哭。在深夜里胡思乱想，
他过得怎么样，他的伤怎么样，他说的话什么意思。
累了，睡过一觉后继续爱着。不怕，有他就不怕。

那些自以为你什么都不懂的人，
或者以为你什么都懂的人。谁都没有他能带给你勇气。
在这个世界上，那些离你很近、却始终无法了解你为什么去喜欢他的人。
你要告诉他们，“坚强”这个词并不是谁都能教得起。
而他给了你这个最宝贵的东西。

所以，你一定要记得你的偶像。

亲爱的，趁现在我们还算年轻。
你要努力，成为能够配得上他的人，
有一天能够见他一面，能够堂堂正正的站在他身边。
你一定，一定要亲口说一句。
怀着深深地眷恋和憧憬，揣着你这些年的敬仰与依赖。
在数十亿的人口中，要感谢你没有错过他。
在这些年，谢谢他的陪伴，陪你笑或哭泣。
你一定要深沉的，用颤抖而哽咽的声音，小心翼翼地，喊一声他的名字。
——我曾经，那么，那么，那么的……喜欢你。


【纵使时光垂垂老矣，别担心，白发的我一定记得黑发的你，爱着白发的你。】