::Rain::

It has rain for a few days already, heavy rain like drops of tears from heaven itself, maybe the angels are weeping for the world.

I love the sound of raindrop. It tinkles like the bell of Tinkerbell. =p
I love the wind. It makes it so comfortable to tuck myself o bed under the warm blanket.

I used to love the rain a lot, cause that time me and my ex have this silly ritual of saying we're cold and need a hug when it rains.

After that I hated the rain, cause we broke up during rainy day. And it just so emo and gloomy to me.

As time pass, I love the rain again, cause the world looks so beautiful after the rain. Love how the rain drop glitter on the leaf and flowers around me, love the rainbow after the rain that feels like having hope after a depressing situation.

The tree in front of School of Communication and Information blooms with pretty pink flowers lately. Oh, i just love walking underneath it and seeing the flowers drop down slowly to form a sea of pink on top of the patch of green grass.

It just make it feels like life is worth living for such beauty in God's creation.

::Blood2::

My lips cracked and bleed again this morning.

O God, when will the wound close?
O God, when will the hurting stops?

::Blood::

i was wiping my tears away when i see blood on the tissue, when i looked into the mirror i realize my lip has cracked so badly that it started to bleed, for a few minutes it seems like the blood just keep rushing out and won't stop. it's so painful to be pressing the tissue against my exposed lip.

yes it hurts.

i'm suddenly reminded by Leona Lewis's Bleeding Love:

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

it's a nice song, but it sounds wrong. And one thing for sure, it's way too emo, listening to it will only drown one in the endless ocean of self-justification and self-pity.

i'm reminded by another song, Rascal Flatts' What Hurts The Most:

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do


Yes another nice song. Seriously, what hurts the most? it seems like it will expand by each hurt and pain we go through, and through it we will grow stronger. Each time it will seem as if this is as far as we can go and bear, but somehow after that this limit will be put to test as another thing replace it to be the thing that "hurts the most".

In case you are thinking i am in the "emo" mode now, rest assured, i am stronger than this, i have learn that hiding away from the world, from God, from people, and from myself won't help at all, nope, not even one tiny little bit. I want to stand upon truth and grace that comes from His Words, not from some random lyrics.

When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring You more than just a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

Its all about you
Jesus

I am not emo-ing, but it won't change the fact that bleeding hurts, and the closer it is to your heart, the more it hurts.

i feel like blogging this, but i hope i don't make sense to you.
And if i make sense to you, pray for me =)

::Treasure::

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

Matthew6:20

We often quote this as a joke or a passing comment.

But I really wonder what our treasures will be.

I' m sure I'm not alone in this, you may have imagine before also how glorious heaven's gonna look like with all the good food and good furniture and good ambiance and all that.

But what is/will be my greatest treasure?

That I will be able to stand in adoration in front of Him. For what treasure in heaven or earth can be compared to being in the presence of my King forever?

::Rest II::

yah that was my evil twin typing for my last post..
it's like Jessica in the show Heroes. just that this evil twin doesn't have super power...oh well, guess some evil twin can't even contribute..

haha..that's a joke..i hope you realize i am just being random.

Anyway..Hello to the normal Cassie again..
well...the normal isn't the exact opposite of the evil one, meaning she's not an angel..so..
This sounds like a "fail" joke...the evil one not so evil, the good one not so good also...man, at least excel in one lah...hahaha...

OH yah..oops i digress again..haha..reminded me of my professor who keep saying he'll digress at least twice every lecture...

OH man..here i go digressing again..by now you must really have hated me or loved me..
either for wasting your time or fro bringing you a laughter...

[hmm..did i just digress again??? evil twin help me out here..]

So, this is what i wanna blog about actually..

For the past two days after staring hard at myself, i realize i have two extreme but mutually inclusive sides in me..

the not so devilish evil side, and the not so angelic good side.

And when the skeptic evil inside of me starts to take control..i realize i turn into a cold-blooded stone..

And when the faith-filled good side of me starts to take control..i realize this is one i want to be and this is who i am..not the lie the evil twin has turned me into...

I am at peace now..things seems clearer..but as i said, they are mutually inclusive..i know i am not an angel no matter how hard i tried..the ugly part of me is still me and i wanna embrace myself and not condemning it..i'll embrace and be graced, and hopefully come out a tiny tiny little bit more "angelic"

::Rest::

Yes, i am the slackest student in the whole of Singapore island. It's not as if i purposely make myself into one.

so..i thought this mean some time of rest for me..when i can just slack for one week or so..

But, it seems like the world is determine to frustrate me.

This is one of those moments i wish i can be a "one-man island"

Emotions...looks like i have too much of them..like small little "inner mess" demons in my head.
perhaps that's what they really are..

my brain processor is too small to think of all these.

i wanna stare hard at myself and my emotions, to see who i really am..

i thought rest is suppose to be fun and good and jolly merry...

PS: yah..this is my evil twin typing..

::Found::

................[this is a sequence to the post ::Lost::]

(At the Lost counter)

Unknown: Excuse me miss, how can i help you?

Eva: Thank you!! I have found my precious journal!!!!!

Yes i found it!!! ok lah actually i found it already two weeks ago and din bother to post it in my blog, but then i realize ppl start asking me whether i have found my journal or not..haha actually i feel quite love by this small gesture...so, if u haven't ask me personally it's ok, now i tell u...haha

i found it the day i move hall..and it's just laying there silently waiting for me to give it a massive hug once again...OWH~~~

hahaha...thank you thank you journal for didn't run away

=)