I told yingjie about my tiredness and escapism-into-shows-and-dramas tendency.
and then she told me something that blew my mind away, it was something that have not crossed my mind. like, waoh.
she said: "why not you fast from it?"
it's amazing how deceitful my mind and my heart can be. haha, that it didn't occur to me that "trying to control" is not going to work until i resolve to prioritize what are important in my life.
so..with much reluctance, i replied "ok, i'll try" to my buddy.
after putting down the phone, a thought came to my mind "ok God, i will try to do this. But first, tonight let me finish watching that few episodes i've been dying to watch."
almost immediately, another thought replaced that thought: "but the man said to Jesus, Lord, first let me go and bury the dead. Lord, first let me go home and do this. and Jesus replied: you come and follow me".
inside the cramped mrt, this verse came as a shock. Waoh, i never realized how much i sounded like the follower of Jesus back in the days.
and that moment i also knew, since He spoke to me so clearly already. Now i have a choice, i either follow Him or i don't.
this little episode could have ended with me being full of faith and committing to God right there and then. but the funny thing is, our human intellect never fails to provide us with legitimate sounding excuses.
after i reached home and switched on my comp, the thought that came to my mind were: "hmm, how long should i fast? indefinitely? can't be right? hmm, how about i fast from monday to saturday and only watch on sunday? (oh, today is sunday by the way). or how about i only stop watching the shows and dramas but still listen to their music? hmm concert videos are not shows and dramas right?"
after having all these thoughts, i realized i just have to stop thinking bout them. Seriously, it is that hard for me to stand firm in this seemingly small decision.
my little episode reminded me of another instance whereby a man also said he need to do something first before following God, and he was actually commended for it. He's Elisha.
soooooo, what's the difference between the followers of Jesus from Matt 8 and Elisha? Reflecting on my own heart attitude, i realized that me and the followers were trying to find excuse in order to not do what God called us to do, whereas Elisha requested to do those things so that he can follow God completely.
i believe that obeying God is a process - a process whereby whenever we are tempted to go the other direction, we make the decision again that whatever the cost maybe, we will obey God because it is going to be worth it.
i foresee that my creative mind will be able to give to myself many more excuses, so i am typing this out. Making my private decision public, and be accountable :)
(to end this on a lighter note) bye boys, i will miss you T^T i am not sure when will i see you again.